Dear Queenie,
My brother passed away last year after a long illness. His wife took good care of him while he was sick, and I promised him I would look after her and still treat her like family when he was gone, but only a couple of months after he passed away she started seeing another man and pretty soon they were in a close relationship, if you know what I mean.
Queenie, how can I honor my brother’s wish when she is so disrespectful of his memory?—Angry Brother
Dear Brother,
As I keep reminding my readers, marriage vows include the phrase “until death do us part.”
Your sister-in-law is not disrespecting her marriage vows or her late husband’s memory by seeking the same happiness she found in their marriage. You can honour your brother’s wish by staying in touch with her, making sure she is okay, and including her in an occasional family event (assuming she chooses to attend).
Dear Queenie,
When I asked a friend of mine whether she wanted to go to a certain event with me she said “no” because it would cost too much, but when I went alone I saw her there with someone else.
Queenie, why would she do me that way?—Offended
Dear Offended,
It is quite possible that the someone else picked up the cost of your friend’s attendance at that event. Assuming you could have afforded it, did it ever occur to you to make such an offer?
Tell your friend you saw her there and see what she says. You probably will know from her reaction whether you have reason to be offended.
Dear Queenie,
Recently my wife’s old boyfriend came back to the island for a visit with his family and invited her out to dinner to talk about old times. I told her I don’t think she should go out with him and we had a big argument about it. She insists that their relationship was over long ago and now they are just friends and I am just being jealous.
Queenie, what do you think?—Suspicious husband
Dear Husband,
I think you should tell her you would love to meet her friend and both of you will have dinner with him. I think you will know from her reaction whether you have any reason to be suspicious.
Dear Queenie,
My parents are always nagging me about little things and they always want to know where I am going and who with. I try to tell them I’m old enough to take care of myself and they should trust me more, but they get mad and say I’m disrespecting them.
Queenie, how can I get them to lighten up?—Frustrated 15-year-old
Dear 15-year-old,
You can grow up a little and realise that your parents are just doing their parental duty of looking out for your welfare and best interests, and trying to teach you what you need to know to take care of yourself as an adult. If they are being a bit overprotective, that is better for you in the long run than if they were being neglectful.
I suggest you keep a copy of this column somewhere safe and read it again when you are all grown up and have teenage children of your own!
Dear Queenie,
I do not use makeup myself but one of my friends uses a lot, too much I think. I usually don’t say anything to her about it, but one day when she had put on lipstick all the way around her mouth it got a little smeared and made her mouth look huge and funny.
When I tried to tell her how it made her look she just told me not to tell her anything because I don’t use makeup so I don’t know anything about it, and I couldn’t think of a good answer.
Queenie, how could I have answered her?—Speechless
Dear Speechless,
In your place I would have told her, “No, I do not use makeup, but I have to look at people who do and right now I am looking at you and this is what I see ... .”
