Dear Queenie,
My parents are very well-off financially-speaking and when we go out for a treat they insist on paying for everything, even though I am also quite well-off and can easily afford to pay my own way. I wouldn’t mind so much if they would let me treat them on special occasions, but even on their own birthdays they insist on picking up the check.
Queenie, I would like to give them a treat at least once at least in a while, but how can I get them to let me do it?—Not broke son
Dear Not broke,
When you want to give your parents a treat, arrange for payment in advance. For example, when planning a party at a restaurant, give your parents a gift certificate from the restaurant for a meal for however many persons the event will include, and then let your parents “pay” for the occasion with the gift certificate.
Or, if you plan to go to a certain restaurant, arrange for payment with the manager when you get there (or even at the time you make the reservations). Then when you are ready to leave and your parents want to pick up the check, the waiter/waitress or the manager can tell them it has already been taken care of and he (or she) hopes they enjoyed the meal.
However, be prepared for a possible less-than-pleasant reaction from your parents. Apparently they take great pride in being able to pay their own way and even give you a treat. Why deny them the pleasure? That too is a kind of gift.
Dear Queenie,
I am responding to the Monday, October 1, edition of Queenie. I don’t believe the sister-in-law and brother-in-law should pursue any serious relationship.
I don't know anything about this person and am sorry to hear that he lost his wife.
Queenie, I have been single for a while now and if he is interested in dating again, please give him my email address. I would love to meet this person.—Faithful fan
Dear Fan,
l also do not believe these two people should pursue any serious relationship. That is why I advised the letter-writer to hire someone else than his sister-in-law to take care of his house and children and to look elsewhere for companionship.
This column is not a dating service and I do NOT give out any information about the people who write to me.
I will give you the same advice I gave the October 1 letter-writer: if you are looking for companionship, join a social group and/or a service club and let it be known that you are available. You will find you have more opportunities than you can handle. And who knows? You might even meet up with the person who wrote the October 1 letter.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter is very good about remembering my birthday and Mothers Day and Christmas, but she always forgets my anniversary. I always remind her when it is coming up, but she just ignores it.
Queenie, what’s going on with her?—Annoyed mother
Dear Mother,
Is there something about your marriage that your daughter does not wish to acknowledge? Are (or were) there problems in your marriage such that she considers celebrating an anniversary to be hypocritical? Were you widowed or divorced and now your daughter feels that your current marriage is an insult to her father’s memory?
Whatever her reason for forgetting or ignoring your anniversary, concentrate on the occasions she does remember and be grateful for that.
Dear Queenie,
My mother always says she doesn’t want any gifts on special occasions and if I give her something anyway she says she didn’t want any gifts and then makes all sorts of rude comments about the way it is wrapped and what is she supposed to do with whatever it is.
Queenie, what am I doing that is so wrong?—Fed-up daughter
Dear Daughter,
You are ignoring your mother’s statements that she does not want to receive any gifts. Try, just once, not giving her a gift and see what she says then. If she says nothing, or even thanks you for not giving her anything, you will know you are conforming with her expressed wishes.
If you feel you must give a gift to honour a special occasion, try making a donation in your mother’s name to her favourite charity and give her a card from them acknowledging the donation. If even that is too much for her, at least you will have tried to find a compromise between her feelings and yours.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend is away at college and we promised to wait for each other until she gets home, but I’m getting so lonely and bored because there’s nothing to do without her except going out with my male friends and they are always looking for girls and dates.
Queenie, I love my girlfriend and I want to be with her when she comes home, but what can I do in the meantime?—Lonesome dude
Dear Dude,
Keep in close touch with your girlfriend via e-mail and social media.
I suspect you will find – if you are both being honest with each other – that she feels much the same way you do, so perhaps you should grant each other a little more freedom on the social front. If the two of you are meant to be together you will be, when she comes home.
Also, it is possible to socialise without getting romantically involved. Join a service club or organisation and spend some time helping others who need assistance. It will keep you busy and in touch with all sorts of other people, without looking for romance.
