Dear Queenie,
My husband was the first man who asked me to marry him and I said “yes” because I was afraid he might be the only who ever wanted to marry me, but I wasn’t really in love with him. I hoped I would come to love him after we were married but it just didn’t happen. I love him like a brother, but that’s all.
We’ve been married for more than 20 years and our children are all grown up and out on their own and here I am stuck in a safe but boring marriage. I am just about ready to get divorced so I can look for someone I really love like a wife should love her husband, but what if I can’t find anyone like that?
Queenie, what should I do?—Undecided

Dear Undecided,
It is possible you could find the exciting romantic love you fantasise about, but it is even more likely that you would not, and even if you did, that kind of romance tends not to last very long.
Ann Landers used to advise asking yourself whether you are better off with him or without him and I am passing her advice along to you, as you are the only one who can answer that question.

Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and his ex-wife were married for almost 20 years and didn’t have any children. He didn’t want a divorce and still is very friendly with her. They see each other often and he says she is still his best friend even though they are divorced.
Queenie, I think I should be his best friend now. Is that unreasonable?—Jealous girlfriend

Dear Girlfriend,
Assuming the two of you are in a supposedly exclusive committed relationship, no, it is not unreasonable for you to have doubts about your boyfriend’s close relationship with his ex-wife.
Apparently he is in the process of building up a little harem for himself. If his ex is okay with that, that is her business, but if you are not, dump him and find someone more monogamous.

Dear Queenie,
My wife and I have 3 grown-up children and two are doing all right, but one is a problem. His wife divorced him for cheating on her and since then he can’t keep a proper job.
He lives with us and depends on us to support him. He does get a few odd jobs here and there, but he spends all the money he earns on things like booze and possibly drugs.
My wife and I are both on pension and we can’t afford to support him entirely, but instead of him giving us money for at least his food, my wife keeps giving him money whenever he asks for it.
We just can’t go on this way and I am seriously considering getting divorced. At least with my pension I could manage to support myself.
Queenie, what to do?—Distressed dad

Dear Dad,
As long as your wife keeps giving your son money he will never have any reason to try to support himself. This is called “enabling.” It is keeping your son dependent and he will never change unless and until your wife shuts off the money faucet.
If you cannot convince her that she is doing your son no favour by supporting him this way, you will either have to accept this situation as it is or walk out.
Professional counselling might help you with your decision, and if you can convince your wife to go with you, so much the better.

Dear Queenie,
My brother passed away last year after a long illness. His wife took good care of him while he was sick, and I promised him I would look after her and still treat her like family when he was gone, but only a couple of months after he passed away she started seeing another man and pretty soon they were in a close relationship, if you know what I mean.
Queenie, how can I honor my brother’s wish when she is so disrespectful of his memory?—Angry Brother

Dear Brother,
As I keep reminding my readers, marriage vows include the phrase “until death do us part.”
Your sister-in-law is not disrespecting her marriage vows or her late husband’s memory by seeking the same happiness she found in their marriage. You can honour your brother’s wish by staying in touch with her, making sure she is okay, and including her in an occasional family event (assuming she chooses to attend).