Dear Queenie,
Between his job and his service club and his hobbies, my husband doesn’t have a lot of time to spend with me. Some time ago I ran into an old friend from college and he invited me to go to lunch with him and we had a great time catching up on old times.
When I got home I told my husband about it and he got very angry and jealous and said I should never see that old friend again.
I’m not about to cheat on my husband, but I did enjoy spending time with that old friend.
Queenie, should I obey my husband or would it be okay to see my old friend again even if my husband objects?—Lonely wife
Dear Wife,
Continuing to see this old friend over your husband’s objections could lead to trouble, not only because you are feeling neglected and therefore are vulnerable, but because it would cause your husband to distrust you even more than he already does.
Have you talked to your husband about how lonely and neglected you feel? It might help to do so, assuming he would listen to and understand what you have to say.
You might also try to get involved in a social or service group – maybe even your husband’s – so you will not feel so lonely.
If that does not help, consider professional counselling, for yourself alone if you cannot persuade your husband to go with you.
And if you do decide to meet up with that old friend again, invite your husband to come along. He cannot then say you are going behind his back.
Dear Queenie,
I talked to my girlfriend about sex and the things I like and don’t like. A few days later she told me she had asked a girl friend of hers about one of the things I like because she knew her friend had experience with it.
I know she wasn’t just gossiping but I wish she had kept a private conversation private.
Queenie, should I find another girlfriend or should I stop talking to her about private matters?—Offended boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
Because you talked apparently freely about this sexual preference, your girlfriend may not have realised that you did not want her to talk to anyone else about it. When you are talking to her about something you consider a private matter you should make it clear to her that this is something you want kept between just you and her.
If she respects your sense of privacy in the future, you have no problem – at least not in this respect. However, if she turns out to be a constant blabbermouth about private matters, you probably will be happier with some other girlfriend.
Dear Queenie,
My brother and his fiancée got married last year and for months before the wedding nobody in either family could talk about anything else. My fiancé and I had been engaged for a longer time than they had, but for several reasons we hadn’t scheduled our wedding yet, so this was kind of hard for us to get through.
We finally were able to start planning our wedding and then my brother and his wife announced that she is pregnant with my parents’ first grandchild and the baby is due some time around the date we have chosen for our wedding and now the new baby is all anyone talks about.
Queenie, is this fair or are we being selfish?—Ignored bride-to-be
Dear Bride-to-be,
Talk about sibling rivalry! Do you really think your brother and his wife deliberately planned her pregnancy so that the baby would arrive close to your wedding date and take all the attention away from you and your husband-to-be?
Go ahead with your wedding plans and try to stop “keeping score” on who is getting more attention. You will feel much better if you can manage to do so.
Dear Queenie,
My mother is a senior citizen but she dresses like a teenager. She still has a great figure and she looks great, but her clothes are just not appropriate for a woman her age.
Queenie, how can I get her to dress more appropriately?—Embarrassed daughter
Dear Daughter,
Unless your mother’s clothing is in some way immodest, I do not see any problem here and I doubt your mother would appreciate any fashion advice from you. MYOB, as they say in text messages.
Dear Queenie,
My mother-in-law gave me a necklace and earrings set that was given to her when she got married. I love the necklace and I wear it all the time, but the style of the earrings is so out-of-date that I never wear them.
Queenie, would it be okay to have the stones in the earrings reset to be more fashionable?—Jewellery Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Technically it would not be wrong to have the stones reset, but your mother-in-law’s feelings might be hurt. Why risk starting a family feud?
Put the earrings away in a safe place and try to find a new set of earrings that also match up with the necklace. Who knows? In time the old earrings may become fashionable again. It does occasionally happen, you know.
