Dear Queenie,
My fiancé contradicts everything I say. He makes it seem like nothing I say is ever right. He also doesn’t like my cat. He says if she starts rubbing against him he will throw her out the door.
When I tried to talk to him about this I got so upset I started to cry and he said he hates to see me hurting, but he didn’t understand that it was what he said and did that was hurting me.
Queenie, how can I make him understand what the problem is?—Unhappy fiancée
Dear Fiancée,
My guess is that he does not want to understand the problem, or he does understand, but wants to blame it on you being too sensitive rather than him being too rude. And his attitude toward your cat worries me.
Professional pre-marital counselling together might help you work out this problem, but you should think very carefully before you marry this man, and if he will not go to counselling with you should not marry him.
Dear Queenie,
I’m what you call a “senior citizen” and the other day a friend of mine who is much younger than I am asked me if I still have sex with my husband and what it’s like at my age.
I think this is a private matter and none of her business, but I didn’t want to be rude.
Queenie, what would be a polite answer is such a case?—Still active
Dear Still active,
You could have just told your friend, “It is different for everybody. You will just have to wait until you are my age to find out for yourself.”
Dear Queenie,
My father-in-law likes to pick up my son and drive him around to the sports games his cousins are playing in, or just to run errands. I like having my son spend time with his grandfather, but not when they are driving around, because my father-in-law has been in several traffic accidents. I know they were just what you call “fender-benders,” but most of them were his fault.
I told him I like having my son spend time with him, but not when they are driving around because I’m afraid someone might get hurt. Even if it’s not my son, I don’t want him involved in anything like that. When I told him that, my father-in-law got mad and said if I don’t trust him to take good care of my son he won’t spend time with him.
Queenie, what more can I do?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Your husband should make it clear to his father that the child’s safety comes first. He should also see to it that his father has a complete medical check-up, because his traffic accidents may be connected to a physical problem such as poor eyesight or dizzy spells.
Are you sure your father-in-law has a valid driver’s licence? If it is up for renewal any time soon, a medical problem like that should prevent it from being renewed.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a guy for only a couple of months and he wanted to take me to all his family’s holiday dinners. He has a big family and I felt strange meeting so many of them all at once like that and now he wants me to go with him to his family dinner every week.
Queenie, I don’t want to offend him or any of them, but every week is just too much for me. How can I get him to let up?—Overwhelmed girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
If you continue dating this guy you will have to accept that he is close to his big family, and you should feel complimented that he wants to include you.
However, you also should explain to him how overwhelmed you feel and perhaps ask him not to take you to these family events quite so often.
Dear Queenie,
For about a year I have been corresponding with a friend I used to know in high school. During that year she and her boyfriend got married.
I can understand why she didn’t invite me to the wedding, but she never even mentioned it to me. I found out from seeing her wedding photos on Facebook.
Queenie, I can understand why I wasn’t invited to the wedding, but why not say anything about it?—Perplexed
Dear Perplexed,
Maybe she thought you already knew. Maybe she was embarrassed that she could not invite you to the wedding. Why not ask her how she likes married life and see how she reacts?
