Dear Queenie,
My daughter is getting married to a man who is much better-off than we are. They have been living together for a couple of years and already have pretty much everything they need.
We want to give them a nice wedding gift, but we can’t afford anything expensive.
Any suggestions, Queenie?—Perplexed
Dear Perplexed,
A gift does not have to be expensive to be meaningful. Do you have a family heirloom or photograph(s) that you could give them? Or perhaps a (not-too-expensive) bottle of wine and set of engraved wine glasses? Along with a letter telling your daughter how much she means to you and how happy you are that she is marrying such a wonderful man.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s parents are getting older and they don’t give his kid sister any discipline because they say it’s just too much trouble. As a result, she does whatever she pleases, including lying and sometimes even stealing things.
Then she applied for a job where I work and they wanted me to write a letter of recommendation for her. I told them I wouldn’t know what to say and for a while most of his family wasn’t speaking to me, but then they invited my husband and me to a family get-together and everyone acted like nothing happened.
Queenie, I think they owe me an apology. Am I wrong?—Offended wife
Dear Wife,
You are not wrong, but you are not likely get an apology from these people either. Let it go, for the sake of peace in the family.
Dear Queenie,
A friend invited me to a birthday party at a restaurant for another friend of ours and at the end the waiter brought us a bill for our food. We had assumed that the one who invited us was the host and would be the one who paid.
Queenie, shouldn’t they have told us ahead of time that we would have to pay our own way, so that we could be properly prepared?—Offended non-guest
Dear Non-guest,
Of course they should have, but too many people do not behave as they should.
When issuing such an invitation, one should make it clear at that time that the “guests” will be expected to pay their own way.
And when receiving such an invitation it is a good idea to ask who will be picking up the bill.
Dear Queenie,
My husband was married and had grownup children when his wife had an affair and left him to be with the other man. I met him a couple of years after that and a year later we got married.
His children think the divorce was his fault, and they don’t like me because he married me so soon after we met, so they don’t have much to do with us, and my husband misses his children.
Queenie, is there any way I can make peace with them?—Second wife
Dear Second wife,
All you can do is be patient and hope your husband’s children will eventually come around enough to understand everything that has happened to their family.
Meanwhile, give your husband all the emotional support you can in dealing with his rather immature grownup children.
Dear Queenie,
What do you say to people when they ask you questions about personal things that you don’t want to talk about?
Queenie, any suggestions?—MYOB
Dear MYOB,
It depends on how polite you want to be.
You can always smile and say something like, “Sorry, I would rather not talk about that,” and change the subject. Or, less polite, “Why would you ask me such a personal question?” and, again, change the subject.
But do not be as rude as they are by telling them to mind their own business.
