Dear Queenie,
My brother divorced his wife after more than 30 years married and got together with a foreign woman who is younger than his own daughters.
I’m planning a barbeque party for my birthday and I want to invite the whole family, including his ex-wife and their grown-up children who I’m still very close to, but my brother will want to bring his new girlfriend who the whole family disapproves of.
Queenie, what should I do?—Can’t decide
Dear Can’t decide,
I suspect you will be stuck with your brother’s new girlfriend, so let everyone else you invite know what to expect. Especially warn your ex-sister-in-law, explaining that you will understand if she chooses not to attend, but that you hope she will be there too.
Dear Queenie,
Whenever my family get together at my house I always ask the ones who smoke to do it outside.
However, my grandmother is in her late 80s and she is one of the smokers and I would never ask someone so old to go outside if the weather is not so nice. Besides, I think someone her age deserves a little extra courtesy. But the other smokers say if she can smoke inside, they should also be allowed to do so.
Queenie, what do you say?—Non-smoker
Dear Non-smoker,
As a non-smoker myself, I say you have a perfectly reasonable right to want to keep your home smoke-free – including your grandmother’s smoke.
Perhaps everyone, including yourself, would feel better about all this if you set up a special sheltered place outside with a comfortable chair and an awning to keep off bad weather, just for Grandma to use when she wants to smoke. If necessary, put a little sign on the chair saying it is reserved for Grandma.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I are both very tall and it seems like our baby girl also is going to be tall.
Queenie, we have gotten used to the comments we get about our height, but how do we prepare our daughter to handle such remarks?—Very tall mother
Dear Mother,
Teach your daughter to be proud of herself no matter how tall she is. And people seem to be getting taller with every generation, so her height may not be as unusual as you fear.
Dear Queenie,
One of my relatives has a child who just takes anything they decide they want without asking permission, not just things like food but anything they decide they want no matter who it belongs to. It’s stealing, that’s what it is.
They do this when you visit their house, like things out of my purse, or when they visit your house, like trinkets or pictures or magazines or anything that happens to be lying around that they decide they like.
I am planning a big party for my husband’s birthday and I want to invite my relative and the rest of her family, but not her thieving child.
Queenie, how do I make my relative understand that the invitation does not include that one child?—Fed up with thief
Dear Fed up,
Is your relative aware of what a thief her child is? If so, she may understand that your invitation does not include that one child, especially if you apologise for the exclusion. Nevertheless, your relative may be offended or at least she may decide not to attend.
However, you cannot be expected to welcome into your home someone who has stolen from you and probably will do so again, and possibly will steal from your other guests also.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter and her children live with me. She is a good mother, but sometimes I wake up at night and she is not there, she has gone out and just left a note for me saying where she is going and when she will be home.
I have asked her to tell me in person ahead of time before she goes out, but she still does this. She says she doesn’t want to wake me up if I am already asleep and as long as I am there the kids will be okay.
Queenie, what do you think?—Home-alone grandma
Dear Grandma,
I think your daughter should tell you before you go to sleep that she will be going out, so that you will know even in your sleep that you have to be aware that she is not there. She also should check with you ahead of time to be sure you are not planning to go out.
