Dear Queenie,
My parents have always favoured my younger brother over me. When I finished high school they told me to get a job. When he finished high school they paid for him to go on to university and they pay for everything for him.
When I started dating a woman they didn’t like they kicked me out, so I moved in with her and my parents got mad because we are “living in sin,” but they let my brother and his fiancée live with them – supposedly in separate bedrooms, but what do my parents think the two of them are doing when they aren’t home?
Queenie, my fiancée and I are getting married later this year. Should I invite my parents to the wedding?—Offended son
Dear Son,
Please invite your parents to the wedding. They may relax their attitude once you have made things “legal.”
Regarding their apparent favouritism, have you tried to talk to them about it? Perhaps doing so, maybe with the help of a neutral person as “mediator,” can make them understand how you feel about this.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine booked a discounted 2-bedroom hotel suite at a resort hoping I would share it with her. When she told me about it, I said it sounded great, but when I checked my schedule I found out I just couldn’t manage to get away.
When I told my friend I couldn’t make it she got mad and the next day she said I owed her for half the bill for the rooms.
I have a family and a job and I never asked her for any of this.
Queenie, should I give her the money anyway?—Angry friend
Dear Friend,
If you ever told your friend you would stay with her for even one night, it would be a good idea to pay her for that night, for friendship’s sake.
However, as she originally booked these rooms without consulting you beforehand, you have no obligation to pay for any of it.
Tell your friend that next time, if there ever is a next time, she should ask you first before making any such commitment with you in mind.
Dear Queenie,
I live with my mother, father and my 3 siblings. I’m going to make 20 just now but my parents treat me like I’m still 9 or 10.
Queenie, how do I tell them I want to get my own apartment because I’m fed up and tired of how I’m been treated and want to leave?—Fed-up son
Dear Son,
That depends on whether you are ready and able to support yourself. If so, all you have to do is find yourself another place to live and tell your parents you are moving out.
However, if you are still financially dependent on your parents you cannot expect them to subsidise your moving out, although you can try to talk to them – on an adult level – about the way they treat you. After all, if at your age they are still supporting you (unless, of course, you are a full-time university student), it is no wonder they still consider you a child.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in high school and I know this should be a happy time for me but I get upset over little things and this makes it hard for me to get along with other people and keeps me from feeling really good about myself.
I know you will tell me to see a professional counsellor like you always tell people, but when I tried to tell my parents about it they refused to even discuss it.
Queenie, how can I get some help?—Unhappy teenager
Dear Teenager,
Talk to a school counsellor about this, or tell your family physician about it the next time you go for a check-up. I hope one of them can persuade your parents to let you get the help you need.
Dear Queenie,
My husband refuses to learn to drive, so I have to drive myself wherever I want to go, plus taking him everywhere.
Queenie, how can I persuade him to learn to drive and do his share?—Chauffeur-wife
Dear Chauffeur-wife,
Is it possible that your husband is unable to get a driver’s licence for some reason, such as not being able to pass the eye exam or some other test, and is ashamed to admit it? If that is the case, a visit to an ophthalmologist (eye doctor) or a few sessions with a driving instructor might help.
However, if there are no other problems in your marriage, count your blessings and do not drive away from him.
