Dear Queenie,
When I was little my family used to spend Christmas Day opening presents and watching TV and having a special dinner. This year my parents slept until noon, handed me some money and sent out for pizza.
I thanked them for the money but it hurt my feelings that they didn’t take the trouble to go out and buy something they thought I would like.
Queenie, now my birthday is coming up and I am wondering if I should say something to them about making more of a celebration out of it. What do you think?—Unhappy birthday girl
Dear Birthday girl,
Do not complain to your parents about the way they spent Christmas this year, but do ask them why things have changed and listen carefully – and thoughtfully – to their answer.
Dear Queenie,
My husband doesn’t mind for me to spend time away from home with my friends during the day, but he says dinnertime and the evening and the weekend are supposed to be for family and I should stay home with him.
He also is suspicious of what we are doing when I go out with my friends.
Most of my friends have jobs and I also work part-time, so the evening or the weekend is the only time we can do anything together.
Queenie, I don’t think this should be a problem. Do you?—Uncertain wife
Dear Wife,
That depends on how often you leave your husband alone to spend time with your friends, but he seems to be somewhat insecure and controlling, to say the least.
If you cannot work this out with him by talking it over with him, perhaps a professional marriage counsellor could help him understand your point of view, if you can persuade your husband to go with you for counselling. And if he will not go with you, go by yourself for help in understanding your situation and learning to cope with your husband’s attitude.
Dear Queenie,
Today I was at a doctor’s office waiting for my turn to see the doctor when a woman came in with a very little boy who just couldn’t sit still, so his mother gave him a bottle full of water to play with and the kid started kicking it around the waiting room like it was a soccer ball and no one, not even the receptionist, tried to stop him.
Well, okay, but what if he had broken the bottle with his kicking and the water spilled all over the place, maybe even splashing on all the other patients waiting their turns?
To make things worse, I then saw the mother giving the same bottle to one of her kids, I think it was the same boy, to drink out of.
Queenie, I didn’t say anything to anyone about all of this, but good heaven, how disgusting can you get?—Impatient patient
Dear Patient,
I am glad you did not say anything, because doing so probably would have caused a scene. However, it is too bad the receptionist did not ask the mother to try to control her son or take him outside to play, or at least give him something else to play with.
And I agree with you that drinking out of the bottle that the child had been kicking around was highly unsanitary, even if none of the water had spilled out.
Hopefully, someone who was also present – if not the mother, maybe even the doctor and/or the receptionist – reads my column and will see this letter, and will remember it and take appropriate measures in case of a future such incident. Hopefully.
Dear Queenie,
After I graduated from college I got a good job off-island. Since then my parents have moved into a smaller house that only has one bedroom.
I used to have my own room in their old house, but now when I come home to visit them I have to sleep on the sofa in the living room and my parents don’t like for me to stay for more than a day or 2. It feels like they are shutting me out of the family.
Queenie, should I just accept this and keep quiet about it?—Rejected son
Dear Son,
You should talk this over with your parents.
It may be that they “downsized” for financial reasons. If that is the case, and if you can afford it, you could offer them some financial assistance.
At the very least – assuming you can afford it – you could offer to stay in a hotel when you come home to visit. Or – if they need financial help – you could offer to give them what a hotel would cost you.
Dear Queenie,
My son has been married and divorced and now he is going to marry a woman who has never been married before.
Queenie, what should I say to people we invite to the wedding who also came to his first wedding and gave him gifts then? Should I put some kind of note like “No gifts, please” on the invitations to them?—Wedding invitation Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It is not good to put any such instruction on a wedding invitation (except possibly a request to donate to a certain charity instead of giving a gift). Some of your friends will want to give your son something in honour of his new marriage and some will not. Let them decide for themselves.
