Dear Queenie,

  I was at a wedding recently when somebody’s cell phone started to ring right in the middle of the ceremony. The preacher just looked at the person and asked if they wanted him to wait while they answered the call.

  Afterwards some of the other guests thought it was all a big joke, but there were some who said the preacher should have just ignored it.

  Queenie, what do you say?—Wedding guest

Dear Wedding guest,

  I say the person whose cell phone rang owes everyone a big apology. The phone should have been turned off during the ceremony, or, if its owner is someone like a doctor who has to be on call at all times, it should have been set to vibrate quietly instead of ringing. And I hope that if the person actually took the call, he or she had the courtesy to leave the room to do so.

Dear Queenie,

  My husband and I are good friends with some neighbors who have 2 small children. We like the parents a lot, except that they keep asking us if we will babysit their children for an afternoon or an evening.

  They know we would be good at it because they have met our children who are all grown up now and have turned out very well and occasionally they see us taking care of our grandchildren, but we don’t do that often because we are getting older and we are glad to be done with all that.

  Queenie, how do we get the neighbors to stop asking us to babysit without being rude?—Happy empty nester

Dear Empty Nester,

  You just keep saying “no” when they ask you. You do not have to give them any reason or excuse, just keep saying “no” as politely as you can manage, as often as you have to. Eventually they will get the message – hopefully.

Dear Queenie,

  After my mother got divorced she got together with a man no one in our family can stand. He was abusive to me and my brother, but only when Mom wasn’t around and when we told her about it she didn’t do anything.

  Mom died some years ago but that man still wants to be part of our life. He keeps calling me and dropping in to visit.

  He has children and grandchildren of his own but he doesn’t have anything to do with them, I guess since he divorced their mother.

  Queenie, how do I get this man to leave me and my family alone?—Don’t like him

Dear Don’t like him,

  This man apparently thinks of himself as your stepfather and still part of your family.

  When he calls, keep the conversation short, or don’t answer at all if you have caller ID and know he is the caller. Insist he call before he drops in to visit, and do not let him in if he has not called or if you do not want to see him. When you do see him, keep the visit brief and make sure there is a third party there who can keep him under control if necessary.

Dear Queenie,

  My daughter is married to a man who constantly contradicts her. Whatever she says, he says no, it is the opposite. And when it comes to the children he is no help at all, he says he is too busy, even if all he is doing is watching TV or talking on the phone.

  He won’t let her come to my house to visit because he says she might get in an accident, so if I want to see her I have to go to their house.

  Queenie, how can I make things better for her?—Worried mother

Dear Mother,

  What you are describing are control issues, the tricks abusers use to make their victims feel incompetent, helpless and dependent on the abuser for everything.

  The best thing you can do for your daughter is to encourage her to find the inner strength to stand up to her abuser, to leave him if necessary, and let her know you are ready to help her whenever she needs it.