Dear Queenie,
My grown-up daughter is good-looking, but she has a loud voice and talks so much that she doesn’t give other people a chance to speak. She complains that men are not attracted to her and I think this is why.
Queenie, do you think she can change this part of herself?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
This is not a matter of basic personality, but of behaviour, so, yes, I think she can change if she is willing to try very hard.
She might want to have her hearing checked, too, as a hearing problem may be part of the reason she talks so loudly. If that is the case, hearing aids would help her to hear herself better and so might help her keep her voice down.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter has a good education and a certificate for a good profession, but she does not have a job, so my wife and I have been helping her pay her rent and other bills, but when we ask her about looking for a job she always has some excuse. She also feels bad because she doesn’t have very many friends.
Queenie, how can we get her to stop making excuses and find a job?—Worried father
Dear Father,
As long as you go on “helping her pay her rent and other bills” your daughter has no motivation to look for a job. Stop helping her out so much. And remind her that the workplace is a good place to meet new people and hopefully make new friends.
Dear Queenie,
My sister is constantly complaining about how lucky I am because I have a good job that pays well and don’t have any financial problems, plus my children are all doing well and my marriage is just fine.
On the other hand, she has made bad choices (including her choice of a husband) and is divorced and has money problems.
Whenever we talk it is all about her and her problems. She never asks about how I am doing. I try to be there for her but I’m getting sick and tired of hearing about her problems and her never listening to anything I might suggest.
Queenie, would it be okay if I just e-mail her and don’t call?—Fed-up sister
Dear Sister,
I think it would be just fine. And when you start doing this, you might even try to explain why. She may not give any thought to your complaint, but it would not hurt to try.
Dear Queenie,
I keep getting invitations to events of people I do not know – distant relatives of people I only know casually. And it’s not as if I enjoy events where I don’t know most of the people there. It feels like they only invite me because they want the person to get as many gifts as possible.
Queenie, how do I get off these mailing lists?—Not interested
Dear Not interested,
Do not attend. When you get such an invitation, RSVP that you will not be attending, and do not feel obliged to send a gift if you do not go to the event. If you feel you must send something, a card will do – with no enclosure.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend recently broke up with me because we are of different faiths. But right after he broke up with me he started going out with a girl from his own church.
He claims our breakup was because of the religious difference and the other girl had nothing to do with it.
Queenie, should I believe him?—Doubting Thomasina
Dear Thomasina,
What he is telling you, the part about religious differences, is probably true. As for the rest of it, I too have my doubts.
Whatever the case, he and your relationship with him are things of the past. Move on, and find someone else more compatible.
