Dear Queenie,
My ex-wife and I have been divorced for almost ten years and we have a daughter who is now getting to be a teenager. My daughter and I have always been close until this past year when she has stopped doing things and going places with me.
I asked her what had happened and she wouldn’t tell me. My ex says it’s just “growing pains” but I don’t understand what that means.
Queenie, should I ignore all this and hope it will go away or should I be concerned about it?—Worried father
Dear Father,
I do not think you have anything to be concerned about. It is normal for teenagers to pull away from their parents and develop interests of their own. Let your daughter know you love her and are there for her if she needs you, and wait for her to grow up a bit more. Eventually she will come around to you again.
Dear Queenie,
Some friends of mine often talk about their money problems and huge credit-card debt but still they have a lot of parties and love showing off things they have bought recently.
I enjoy spending time with them but I don’t feel right about admiring things I know they can’t afford or giving them compliments about their nice new things.
Queenie, should I stop going to their parties?—Thrifty friend
Dear Friend,
Your friends will go on having parties whether you go or not, so you might as well go, but stop admiring and complimenting them on new possessions you know they cannot afford. Telling them “Yes, yes, very nice” in an uninterested tone of voice should be sufficient.
And if you know a good financial consultant, refer your friends to him (or her) whenever they mention their money problems.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have a couple of dogs that I love like they are my children. We never had any children because I couldn’t ever get pregnant, according to my doctor.
Now that we’re getting older, I happened to mention to my husband how much comfort the dogs would be for me if anything happened to him, but he said if anything happened to me he would give the dogs away because he wouldn’t be able to take care of them.
Queenie, how can I rest easy knowing he doesn’t care about them as much as I do?—Dog-loving wife
Dear Wife,
Apparently your husband does not think of the dogs as his “children” the way you do, but rather as pets that need more attention than he alone would be willing to give them.
If you are not sure he will find a good home(s) for them if he (and they) outlive you, make arrangements from now for some of your dog-loving friends to take over care – and if necessary, adoption – of the dogs if you go before your husband. You will rest easier now and, if the time comes, your husband will have one less burden to cope with.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a woman but recently I was talking on the phone to someone I don’t know and the person called me “Mister”. I have heard my voice in recordings and I don’t think I sound like a man. It was kind of embarrassing.
Queenie, what should I have said?—Telephone Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Apparently that person did not know your first name, or you have a name that can be taken for either a man’s or a woman’s.
You could have said, “I am a woman, not a man,” or, “That should be Miss (or Ma’am), not Mister.” Confusion (and your embarrassment) ended.
Dear Queenie,
There’s a girl at my school who thinks I’m her best friend because I was nice to her when nobody else was. She just follows me around everywhere.
My girlfriend is really bothered by all this. She is not jealous, but she doesn’t like having this other girl around all the time at school and when we’re hanging out together.
Queenie, how do I explain to this girl that it’s too much for me to handle?— Beleaguered boy
Dear Boy,
You have to explain to this girl – as gently and kindly as you can – that you have a girlfriend and a social life that simply do not include her, and you are just too busy to spend much time with her.
The school year will be over in a couple of months and unless she lives very close to you, hopefully you will be seeing less of her then.
