Dear Queenie,

  My best friend from when we were children and I aren’t so close anymore. We didn’t have a fight or anything, we just got busy and stopped calling each other.

  I’m not too upset over this, but I can’t help wondering about a gift I gave her some years ago that I never saw her use and my guess is that it’s just packed away in a box somewhere.

  I liked that thing a lot and if she really likes it too I want her to keep it, but if she doesn’t care about it I would like to have it back.

  Queenie, would it be okay for me to ask her about it?—Old gift Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,

  A gift once given belongs to the recipient. You could ask your (former) friend how she likes whatever it was you gave her and if she offers to give it back to you accept with thanks. But do not ask her for it, and unless she specifically offers it to you forget about it.

Dear Queenie,

  My husband and I are going to have our first child in a couple of months. Our only problem is my mother-in-law’s husband. They got together after my husband was grown up and out on his own, so he doesn’t think of that man as his stepfather and we really don’t like him and the way he behaves and how he treats my mother-in-law and we never want that man to have anything to do with our children.

  My husband has told his mother how we feel about her husband but she thinks we’re just being too sensitive.

  Queenie, how do I tell my mother-in-law that she is welcome to visit us, but not her husband?—Worried mother-to-be

Dear Mother-to-be,

  Tell your mother-in-law that you would love to have her visit you when her grandchild arrives, but only her, because she knows how you feel about her husband, and do not listen to or accept any argument on her part. You may be surprised to find that you get no argument from her on the subject.

Dear Queenie,

  I got divorced recently and my ex-wife is already dating someone and letting our children get to know him and they seem to really like him. This made me mad and I told the guy to keep away from my kids.

  Queenie, I know I shouldn’t have, but what else could I do?—Worried Ex-husband

Dear Ex-husband,

  You no longer have anything to say about your wife’s social life, but you can explain to her that it is not a good idea for the children to meet someone she dates and possibly become fond of him unless she is in a serious committed relationship with that person. And especially she should not go to bed with any man when the children are in the house.

  However, you will have to face the fact that eventually your ex may meet someone who will become part of her and your children’s lives. If they are lucky he will be a loving stepfather and they will love him too. In that event, do not make things more difficult for all of them by being jealous and possessive. I am sure there will be room in your children’s hearts for both of you.

Dear Queenie,

  I am a lot smarter than everyone else in my grade at school and I don’t have anything in common with any of them. Even though I am in the special advanced class I can’t have a conversation that everyone else can understand.

  Queenie, can you help me?—Smarty-pants

Dear Smarty-pants,

  Being exceptionally intelligent is not an asset if being conceited about it prevents you from relating to other people on other levels than mere intelligence, such as compassion, empathy and having similar interests.

  To begin with, stop patting yourself on the back for being smarter than everyone else and start trying to understand why others who are not as intelligent as you are have so many more friends.

  Then start using your gift to learn how to relate to others who have different talents than yours.

  Your school counsellor may be able to help you, or to refer you to a professional psychological counsellor who can help you.