Dear Queenie,
For a couple of years now my husband has been talking online with a married woman. I have met her but I do not know her well, but it seems he does, because their chats last for almost an hour and they also text each other a lot every day.
I asked him what all they talk about, but he won’t tell me. He says they are not having an affair.
I went for counselling about this and he came with me one time, but he got mad and walked out when the counsellor asked him about his contacts with this other woman, and he wouldn’t ever go back with me again.
Queenie, am I wrong to be upset by all this?—Unhappy wife
Dear Wife,
No, you are not wrong. Even if there has been nothing physical between them, your husband seems to be having an emotional affair with this woman and is refusing to face the fact that that is what his relationship with her is.
I hope you will continue with counselling without him, to help you decide how to handle this situation the in best way for yourself, since your husband will not cooperate.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I got engaged a while ago after we had been seeing each other for a couple of years, but up to now we haven’t set a wedding date or even talked about it.
My fiancé gave me a beautiful ring when he proposed, but I owe a lot of money on my credit cards and I don’t make enough to catch up, so I have been looking for a better job, but up to now I haven’t found one, and he says he won’t get married until I have good credit.
Queenie, what more can I do?—Getting desperate
Dear Getting desperate,
Your fiancé may want to be sure you are not just marrying him for the financial security he can give you, which is not unreasonable. Stop pressing him to set a wedding date until you have arranged to settle your debts. If he still will not set a date then, it will be time to think twice about your relationship.
Meanwhile, if you cannot find a better-paying job, think about finding a second, part-time job to boost your income.
And stop charging things on your credit cards and building up your debt.
Dear Queenie,
My husband belongs to a sports club that he says doesn’t allow wives to attend their games, but I have heard that other wives often go to their games.
Queenie, what do you think is going on here?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband clearly does not want you around when he is playing his sport. He may think having you there will affect his ability to play well, or his reason may not be so innocent. Tell him you would like to be there once to watch him play and then, if you trust him, drop the subject.
Dear Queenie,
I have 2 sons and I’m not so young anymore. When I made my will I said everything was to be divided equally between them.
However, a while ago when I was talking to my younger son on the phone something I said made him angry and he scolded me for it and I hung up on him. I haven’t heard from him since then, not even when I was in the hospital for a big operation, and when I try to call him he doesn’t pick up the phone.
I am thinking of changing my will to cut him out if I don’t hear from him soon. If I ever hear from him again I can put him back in my will, but like I said, I’m not so young anymore.
Queenie, what do you say to all this?—Angry Dad
Dear Dad,
I think your son behaved badly, but you played your own part in this estrangement.
Have you considered apologising for whatever you said that angered your son, and for hanging up the phone on him? Perhaps, if you cannot get through to him, your other son or some other relative can act as intermediary and deliver your message.
Dear Queenie,
My son died in a traffic accident and in just a couple of months my daughter-in-law started seeing a new man. Then she got pregnant by him and she and her 2 very young children moved in with him. She even lets them call him “Daddy”.
What bothers most me about all this is that the man she is living with is still married and has children of his own. He could be the right man for her and is just going through a difficult divorce, but I don’t know anything about all that.
Queenie, what can I say to her, or should I just not say anything?—Grandmother in mourning
Dear Grandmother,
Although your daughter-in-law seems to be disrespecting your son’s/her husband’s memory, it could be that she is just afraid of living and raising two young children alone.
Do not say anything to her that might lead to an estrangement. Your grandchildren are going to need you to be there for them and to help them remember their father/your son.
