Dear Queenie,
I have trouble falling asleep because I can’t get comfortable because of my arthritis. If I try reading for a while, the light keeps me awake. Then, if I finally fall asleep, my husband wakes me up when he comes to bed. And then in the early morning our pets come wanting to be fed.
I have tried sleeping in a separate room from my husband but that feels so lonely.
Queenie, do you have any suggestions?—Sleepless in St. Maarten
Dear Sleepless,
Do you have pain medication for your arthritis? If not, ask your doctor to recommend/prescribe some, and take it shortly before going to bed.
Don’t read in bed. Make the room as dark as possible and close the door so the pets cannot get in. You might also try feeding them just before you go to bed so they will not be so hungry in the morning.
And ask your husband to cooperate with your sleep problems. It probably would help if he would come to bed at the same time as you do, or even a little earlier.
Dear Queenie,
I have been friends with a woman I know for a long time. We are interested in the same things and can talk to each other about anything and except for being male and female we are very much alike.
Recently she seems to be flirting with me sometimes and once when we got up from our visit to go home she kissed me on the cheek. It made me feel there could be something more between us but I don’t know how to tell her that in case it might spoil our friendship.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Hesitating
Dear Hesitating,
I think you may be right and your friend is just waiting for you to make the first move. However, that kiss might be considered a “first move”, so I suggest you ask her – as casually as you can – if she would like to take your friendship to a next level.
If she would not, or if she agrees and things do not work out well, your friendship may be a bit strained for a while, but if you do not even try you will always wonder what you might have missed out on.
Dear Queenie,
Our grown-up children are on the outs with each other, we don’t know why, and won’t come to any family celebration we want to have.
Queenie, do we just have to put up with this or what can we do about it?—Worried Parents
Dear Parents,
Talk to your children separately and try to find out what is the reason for their separation and what, if anything, you can do to make things better. There may not be much you can do, but at least you will have tried. Having done that, all you can do is hope – and, if you are so minded, pray – for reconciliation.
Dear Queenie,
My parents are getting divorced and after years of listening to them fighting with each other I am not sorry about it.
My problem is that my mother goes around saying all sorts of bad things about Dad that I know are not true.
Queenie, how can I get her to stop doing this?—Fed-up son
Dear Son,
Ask your mother to stop bad-mouthing your father because you still love him and it is not fair to you – and because doing it makes her look bad, especially if your father is not bad-mouthing her.
Dear Queenie,
My husband got a girl pregnant while he was away in university. He knew about the child but the mother never let him have anything to do with their daughter and anyway, he came back here to live so he completely lost touch with them.
Recently the girl came here on school holiday and called him to ask him to show her around the island. He was delighted to meet her and the two of them started going around together leaving me alone at home.
My husband is delighted to have a daughter after all this time (we don’t have any children) and I am happy that he is happy, but the girl doesn’t want anything to do with me.
Queenie, how do I deal with the way they leave me out of things?—Left out stepmother
Dear Stepmother,
Talk to your husband about this. Tell him how you feel about being left out, and ask to be included at least part of the time in his dealings with his long-lost daughter.
Try to be patient with the girl when she comes here and matters should improve as you and she get to know each other. And as long as the girl lives elsewhere and only comes here on vacation, you will not have to deal with her very often or for very long at a time.
