Dear Queenie,
Whatever I say or do, my husband says the opposite. If I say I like something he’ll say, “No you don’t.” If I like a TV show he thinks it’s stupid. Anything I want to do is not worth the trouble, and whatever I do I’m not doing it right.
Queenie, why does he do this. And how can I get him to stop?—Frustrated wife
Dear Wife,
I seems your husband enjoys “pushing your buttons” and/or is trying to control you. When he starts in on you, smile and say “Yes, dear” as sweetly as you can, then ignore him and go on with whatever you are doing.
You might also consider professional counselling to help you learn to cope with his behaviour. You might even be able to get him to go with you, thinking he can control that situation, in which case I think he will be in for a BIG (and unwelcome!) surprise.
Dear Queenie,
My grown-up daughter lives with me and I don’t make her pay rent. She has a part-time job and helps out around the house, but she is always complaining about how much she has to do and she wants me to pay her for what she does.
Queenie, what should I tell her?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
Tell her you will be happy to pay her for helping around the house when she starts paying you rent for the privilege of living there – and if she does not like that solution, she is free to find another place to live.
Dear Queenie,
I’m going on 35 and I’m beginning to worry that I’ll never get married.
Queenie, how do I go about finding someone to share the rest of my life with?—Still single
Dear Still single,
Stop thinking about every man you meet as a potential husband. Just try to make new friends. And do not chase after attractive men – let them chase after you. If you are lucky, someone will find you to share his life with. If that does not happen, at least you will still have lived a full, productive life.
Dear Queenie,
My parents are always ready to babysit for their next-door neighbors, but they won’t even take our kids – their grandchildren – for an afternoon. They always say they are too busy, and once they said our children are too much for them to handle.
Queenie, we think family should be more important than neighbors. And what do we tell our kids when they ask to visit their grandparents?—Offended
Dear Offended,
Do you ever take your children to visit their grandparents with you, when you are there to look after – and control – the children? Perhaps your parents meant what they said: that without you present your children are too rambunctious for them to control.
Dear Queenie,
I love my girlfriend but her house is one big mess and I can’t stand it, so we spend all our time together at my house. She even makes jokes about what a terrible housekeeper she is, so we have talked about it but things don’t change.
Queenie, can we make things go right if we are so different?—Neat-freak boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
If you do not belittle your girlfriend or expect her to change her housekeeping ways you can make things work as they have up to now – each of you has your own place and she visits you at your house.
However, if you ever want to live together you will have to expect to hire someone to do the cleaning and housekeeping, and she will have to expect to learn to live in a well-kept, tidy environment.
