Dear Queenie,
What are you supposed to do with Christmas gifts that were sent to a member of your family who passed away just before the holidays?—Bereavement Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It is up the bereaved family to decide whether to keep the gift in memory of their lost loved one. And if, after they have taken care of more urgent matters, they decide not to keep it, it is still up to them to decide how to dispose of it – by returning it to the person who sent it, donating it to a worthy cause, passing it on to someone else, or even selling it. They can ask the person who sent the gift what that person would like them to do with it, but they are not obligated to do so.
Dear Queenie,
My parents have always had a dog, but they are getting old and taking care of a pet is getting to be too much for them. Their last dog died recently and now they are talking about adopting a puppy, but I don’t think they will be able to keep up with the mess it will make while they are trying to housetrain it.
Queenie, is there any way I can talk them out of having another dog?—Worried daughter
Dear Daughter,
Instead of adopting a puppy, try to persuade them to adopt an older dog that is already housetrained. Then, if your parents are not even able to take the dog for walks, or to clean up the yard if they have one where they can let the dog out to “do its business” and get some exercise, hire a neighbouring teenager(s) to walk the dog every day and, if relevant, to clean up the yard once or twice a week.
Dear Queenie,
My wife is just wonderful, except when she gets upset about something, and then she takes it out on me, and it seems like even just small matters get her upset. She gets really mean and I can’t seem to find anything to say or do to make her feel better. All I can do is just keep quiet and wait for the bad spell to be over.
Queenie, is there any way I could help my wife with this problem?—Worried husband
Dear Husband,
Is your wife taking any kind of medication that might affect her moods? Could it be hormonal fluctuations? Try to get her to have a complete medical check-up and be sure to talk to her doctor about this problem. Medical intervention might be the answer, or the doctor might suggest professional psychological counselling.
Dear Queenie,
Some friends of ours recently held a “benefit dinner” to raise funds to help out a family member with funeral expenses.
Queenie, I can understand asking for financial help with medical problems or education expenses, but isn’t asking for help with the cost of a funeral a bit too much?—Donation Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Holding a “benefit dinner” is a public advertisement of a family’s financial problems, which is not in good taste. Plus, it would be better to give the money that would have been spent on food and entertainment directly (and privately) to the family in need, and to ask those who would have been invited to do likewise if they wish to help
Dear Queenie,
My teenage grandchildren behave more like lovers than brother and sister. They hold hands, cuddle up with each other to watch TV, follow each other around and touch each other all the time.
Their parents don’t seem to notice, but everyone else does and we think it is very strange and not very acceptable, and we can’t help wondering what goes on when the kids are alone together while their parents are at work.
I think we should speak to their parents about this, but my wife doesn’t want to say anything to them for fear of causing a falling-out in the family.
Queenie, what do you say?—Worried grandfather
Dear Grandfather,
I think teenage children, especially those of opposite sexes, need careful supervision because the developing of their bodies and hormones can get them into serious trouble without it, even if they are brother and sister.
Someone should have a serious talk with the parents – if not you or your wife, some other family member or friend who has seen what is going on, or even a school counsellor.
