Dear Queenie,
One day when my daughter and her family were at my house visiting, I invited my husband’s mother to come over later in the afternoon so she could see her great-grandchildren.
However, she came by about 2 hours before the time I had said and she had a friend with her. When I said how early she was she said she would wait outside, but then she said she wanted to show her friend around our house and she just walked right in.
Queenie, my husband won’t say anything to his mother when she does this kind of thing. What can I do?—Annoyed daughter-in-law
Dear Daughter-in-law,
Your husband should be the one to talk to his mother, but if he will not do it, you will have to put your foot down – as politely as you can manage. In a case like you describe, you can stop her at the front door and tell her you are sorry, but she cannot come in right then, and do not let her in. She will be angry and she may not get over it, so you will have to decide whether you are willing to take that risk.
Dear Queenie,
After we got divorced my husband married a woman who couldn’t get along with our older daughter, who was a teenager then. Since that time he has almost no contact with our older daughter, although he is still close to our younger one who was in primary school at that time.
The older girl is now also divorced and has a son and they are living with me, and my ex stays close to the boy by visiting with him when he is staying with his father, my daughter’s ex. I have told him he could come to my house to see the boy, but he won’t do it because he doesn’t want to see the boy’s mother.
The only time he sees her at all is when someone in his family holds a family event, and then he keeps his distance and doesn’t even speak to her.
Our daughter has tried to contact him, but he doesn’t return her calls or reply to her e-mails.
Queenie, is there any way to mend this situation?—Unhappy mother
Dear Mother,
Most likely your ex stayed away from his older daughter because of his new wife, which is no excuse for his behaviour at that time or since then.
You or your younger daughter could try talking to him to get an explanation and try to help him reconnect with his older daughter, but after all this time I do not hold out much hope for success. However, it is worth a try.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend recently broke up with her boyfriend and now he has asked me to go out with him. I have always liked him, but if I start dating him I’m afraid my friend will think it’s my fault he broke up with her.
Queenie, what do you think?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
Wait a while before you go out with your friend’s ex-boyfriend. Let him date a few other girls before you agree to go out with him – that is, if he is still interested in you. If he is, at least your best friend will not blame you for their breakup. And if he is not, you will have spared yourself the disappointment of learning what a short attention span he has.
Dear Queenie,
The other day in the supermarket I was next to a woman in line who was talking to someone on her cell phone. That is not unusual these days, but the part of the conversation I could hear was all about something I would consider a very personal matter and not want some stranger to hear about.
Queenie, don’t people have any sense of privacy anymore?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
I know exactly what you mean. That was the reason public telephones used to be located in booths where you could shut the doors – for the privacy of the person making the call.
In the circumstances you describe, I have often been tempted to chip in my two cents’ worth to the conversation, although I have not actually done it. And then, when the person on the phone looked at me or said something to me about it being a private call, I would have replied, “Oh, sorry, I thought you were talking to me!”
Dear Queenie,
My sister does not behave well when we take her out to eat. She makes all kinds of special requests and then complains that things aren’t the way she wanted them. It’s really embarrassing.
Queenie, how can we get her to behave better?—Embarrassed sibling
Dear Sibling,
Before you take her out to eat again, sit her down and talk to her about this. Explain just what is it that you find so embarrassing, and ask her not to do it. And if she still does it anyway, do not take her out to eat, or at least do not take her to any restaurant where you want to be recognised as a good customer.
