Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who talks all the time, I mean ALL the time. They never stop when we’re together or on the phone. Other than that they’re really a nice person, generous and helpful, but the constant babble gets on my nerves.
Queenie, what’s a polite way to get them to shut up for at least a few minutes?—Fed up friend
Dear Friend,
Maybe your friend feels insecure and talks to cover it up, or maybe silence makes your friend uncomfortable, or maybe they think you find their conversation entertaining.
You could try asking for a moment or two – and time it with a clock – of silent meditation or prayer, but I doubt there is any polite way to shut them up for very long.
When you are on the phone with them you could just put the phone down for a minute or two or three. They might not notice.
Dear Queenie,
My husband expects me to look at the caller ID and take his calls right away no matter what I am doing. I think I should give my complete attention to the person I’m talking to at that moment.
I do try to call him back as soon as the conversation I’m in the middle of is finished, but he thinks I should put him first, especially because he has a very busy schedule and he only calls me once a day.
Queenie, is he right?—Phone Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Ordinarily I would agree with you that the person you are already talking to should take priority. However, this is your husband, and you know how busy his schedule is, so in this particular case – for the sake of your marriage – I will agree with him.
You can always explain the situation to the other person and then call them back when your conversation with your husband is done.
Dear Queenie,
I have breathing problems that make it hard for me to be near people who smoke because the smell of tobacco smoke makes it hard for me to breathe, so I try to stay away from them.
But Queenie, what do I say when they ask me why? It would be rude to tell them it’s because of the way they smell.—Asthmatic
Dear Asthmatic,
If they ask why you are avoiding them, just tell them that tobacco smoke makes your asthma act up. Do not use the word “smell”.
Dear Queenie,
My parents are divorced and I hardly ever see my father. I know he has a very busy schedule because of his job, but when he does have some time off he does other things but doesn’t spend any time with me.
Queenie, how can I fix this?—Disregarded daughter
Dear Daughter,
Perhaps your mother and/or your father’s parents (your grandparents) can explain to him how important a father is in a girl’s life.
And if any of the “other things” your father does are things in which you also could take an interest and participate in – like volunteer work or a service club, for example – you might consider joining the group. That way, even if your father continues to ignore you, you will have other adults for companionship and to set a good example for you.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend from when we were children and I aren’t so close anymore. We didn’t have a fight or anything, we just got busy and stopped calling each other.
I’m not too upset over this, but I can’t help wondering about a gift I gave her some years ago that I never saw her use and my guess is that it’s just packed away in a box somewhere.
I liked that thing a lot and if she really likes it too I want her to keep it, but if she doesn’t care about it I would like to have it back.
Queenie, would it be okay for me to ask her about it?—Old gift Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
A gift once given belongs to the recipient. You could ask your (former) friend how she likes whatever it was you gave her and if she offers to give it back to you accept with thanks. But do not ask her for it, and unless she specifically offers it to you forget about it.
