Dear Queenie,
From the time our son was born my wife has kept him with her all the time, even at night next to her in our bed. Now he is 3 years old and he still sleeps in our bed, so there is no privacy for us to do anything that might lead to our having another child, if you get my meaning.
Queenie, when will it be time for him to have his own bed in his own room?—Frustrated father
Dear Father,
Your son should have had his own bed from the time he was born. That is what cradles, bassinets and cribs are for. And at three years old it is time for him to have his own room to sleep in as well.
Have a talk with your paediatrician and ask him to explain these things to your wife.
Is it possible that your wife is doing this at least partly to avoid “doing anything that might lead to (y)our having another child”? Marital counselling for the two of you might also be a good idea. And if she really does not want to get pregnant again, there are better means of contraception, which her doctor can explain to her.
Dear Queenie,
I left my husband after many years of being married to him because no matter how many times I tried to talk to him about our problems, according to him our marriage was perfect.
After the divorce I began seeing someone and my ex decided that the only reason I could have left him was for some other man. Now he has told our children that I am not allowed to bring my boyfriend to any family function like our grandchildren’s birthday parties. My boyfriend is willing to be left out, but I know it hurts his feelings.
Queenie, one of our sons is still single. What will I do when he gets married?—Angry ex-wife
Dear Ex-wife,
Your ex will continue to behave this way as long as your children let him get away with it. It is up to all of you to decide whether – and when – to stand up to him. A child’s birthday party is one thing, but a wedding is a much bigger deal. You and your children, especially the son who will be getting married, will have to make up your minds what you will do about it.
Dear Queenie,
My son is going to marry a woman from the USA. It’s going to cost a lot for the rest of our family to attend but we all want to be there for his big day. The bride’s family offered to pay for us to stay at a hotel, but we don’t want to take their money.
Queenie, are we still expected to give them a big wedding gift and pay for the rehearsal dinner?—Not rich
Dear Not rich,
Do not spend more than you can afford on all this. It will help if you accept the bride’s family’s offer of lodgings. Then tell your son how much you can afford to spend on the rehearsal dinner. If it costs more, he will have to pay the balance himself.
And you might suggest that he and his bride hold a reception later in your hometown for those friends and family who could not afford the trip to his wedding.
Dear Queenie,
A while ago I found out that my husband slept with his secretary while they were away on a business trip. He said it was because they had both been drinking after a long day of doing business and it didn’t mean anything and it never happened before and would never happen again.
However, they still work together and take business trips together.
Queenie, how can I trust him?—Unhappy wife
Dear Wife,
If he does not hide her text messages from you and you can hear their phone conversations you probably have a good idea whether anything is going on between them.
However, if he is keeping any of this “confidential” you have every reason to be suspicious. In that case you will have to decide what you want to do about it. Professional counselling would probably help you deal with all this.
Dear Queenie,
My sister has a habit of commenting negatively on whatever I am wearing, like it’s not a good color for me or it’s out of fashion or it doesn’t seem to fit right (too small or too big) or whatever.
Queenie, I don’t really care what she thinks, but I would like to have a good answer that would shut her up. Can you suggest one?—Offended sister
Dear Sister,
Just tell her, “Maybe you are right. I will have to think about that,” and change the subject.
