Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend is away at college and I will be going there too when I finish high school. But until then I am very lonely.
There is this other boy here that I like spending time with and we are getting to be very close friends, but just friends, nothing more. However, I can imagine that there could be something more for us if I didn’t have my faraway boyfriend.
Queenie, is this what they call “emotional cheating”?—Lonely girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
You are a bit young to have an exclusive relationship. Both you and your “faraway boyfriend” should be free to gain experience by dating many other people before you make an exclusive commitment.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I got married after we dated for about 6 months. He comes from another country where customs are much different than in my country. We like different things and doing different things and we don’t agree about what things we should be doing together. Even our ideas about lovemaking are different.
We live together, but it’s more like we are roommates than husband and wife.
Queenie, is there any chance we will come to agree more?—Unhappy wife
Dear Wife,
Have you tried talking to your husband about this? Are you unable to do so and/or is he unwilling, and is that one of your differences? If so, a professional counsellor might be able to help the two of you overcome it.
However, it is a pity you did not take longer to get to know this man better before you married him. Yours is a good example of the meaning of that old saying “Marry in haste, repent at leisure.”
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s parents have been divorced for many years and to this day my mother-in-law has nothing good to say about her ex-husband. All she does is bad-mouth him every chance she gets. Obviously she wants me to hate him, but the truth is he is a very nice man, a good father and grandfather.
Queenie, how do I get her to stop all this talk without her thinking I am taking sides against her?—Daughter-in-law
Dear Daughter-in-law,
Without saying anything to defend your father-in-law, when your mother-in-law starts bad-mouthing him just tell her that you do not want to hear such talk and ask her to change the subject. Or, if necessary, get up and leave.
You might also suggest that she get professional counselling to try to get over being so obsessed with and angry at her ex.
Dear Queenie,
I need to plan for when I retire and it would help to know what I will inherit from my parents when they are gone. I’m hoping it won’t be for a long time yet, but it would help me to know what to expect.
Queenie, would it be okay for me to ask them?—Planning my future
Dear Planning,
No one should ever expect to inherit anything from their parents or depend on it happening, because anything can happen that will change things unexpectedly, so you should make your plans based on what you can manage for yourself.
However, it would be a good idea to talk to your parents about what plans they have made for themselves, so you can be prepared to take care of them if they become unable to care for themselves and will know what their wishes are for after they are gone – that is, if they are willing to talk to you about all this. If they are not, drop the subject.
Dear Queenie,
Lots of times I buy things with coupons or at special sales that I don’t need for myself, but I can give as gifts.
Queenie, is this okay? I don’t want to seem like a cheapskate.—Smart shopper
Dear Smart shopper,
It is nobody else’s business what you paid for the gift you give them. What is important is how much they like it.
