Dear Queenie,
My husband likes to go out to bars with his friends on the weekend. He has children from his first marriage who stay with us every other weekend and when they are with us he stays home, but the weekends they are not here he goes out with his friends and I am left home alone.
Those are the only weekends we can be together without the children and I miss doing things just with him like going out to dinner or a movie.
Queenie, how can I get him to spend those weekends with me?—Home alone
Dear Home alone,
Have you talked to your husband about this? Perhaps he does not realise how neglected you feel.
Perhaps if he realised that you would like to go out with him sometimes – just not to a bar with his friends – the two of you can schedule certain weekend nights as “date nights” for just the two of you, and other nights for bar-hopping with his friends.
Dear Queenie,
I have been married to my second wife for several years now and we have 2 small children together. The problem is my teenage daughter from my first marriage, who also lives with us.
According to my wife, my daughter can’t do anything right. My daughter has certain chores to do to help around the house but my wife is never satisfied with the way she does them.
If my daughter sweeps the floor, my wife points out all the spots she says she missed. She complains if my daughter doesn’t empty out a wastebasket even though there is almost nothing in it.
Queenie, how do I get my wife to stop nagging my daughter?—Fed-up father
Dear Father,
Your daughter needs to learn how to do her chores properly, but your wife needs to learn how to teach her to do them without nagging her about them all the time.
Talk to your wife about this, so she will know how much her nagging bothers you. And (as usual) I suggest professional counselling to help her learn better ways to cope with a teenage girl.
Dear Queenie,
My father’s new wife (my stepmother) says terrible things about his former wife (my mother) and her family and when anyone tells him about it he gets mad and says we’re just trying to make her look bad.
Queenie, I don’t want to lose contact with my father, but how much of this do we have to take?—Defensive
Dear Defensive,
Your father will probably always defend his wife and not make her behaviour toward you a problem in his marriage to her.
Try to have as little to do with her as possible and to ignore her behaviour.
Dear Queenie,
I have relatives who own a shop that sells lovely expensive clothes and every year for my birthday and Christmas they give me lovely things to wear. My problem is that my husband’s mother wears the same size clothes as me and she keeps wanting to borrow things from me, sometimes before I even have a chance to wear them myself.
Queenie, it’s not as if she can’t afford to buy such things for herself. How do I get her to stop asking for mine without causing a big falling-out in the family?—Stylish daughter-in-law
Dear Daughter-in-law,
It is okay to refuse to lend your mother-in-law your clothes. Just tell her, sorry, you are planning to wear whatever-it-is yourself.
If your relatives’ shop is near where you live, you might offer to take your mother-in-law shopping there so she can pick out some nice things of her own and not have to borrow yours.
And, when you have an occasion to give your mother-in-law a gift, give her a piece of clothing like one she has borrowed from you – from your relatives’ shop if you can afford it. Perhaps your relatives would even give you a discount if you explain the situation to them.
Dear Queenie,
My sister and I have always been close and I have always been there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. But recently when I needed someone to talk to about a problem I was having she just kind of brushed me off and later when I complained about the way she had treated me at that time she got mad at me for criticizing her.
Queenie, do you think this is fair?—Sister feeling used
Dear Sister,
No, it is not fair, but that is how things are sometimes. Some people are better at taking help than at giving it, and because up to now you did not need that kind of help you just did not notice that your sister is like that.
Try to accept her for what she is and focus on all her good qualities.
