Dear Queenie,
My mother’s pension is not enough for her to live on and she wants me and my brother to each give her money every month to help out.
My brother is very well off, with a good job and no family to support so he can afford to give her as much as she is asking for, but my husband and I have 3 kids in school and we don’t have very much money to spare. We are willing to help her out as much as we can, but not as much as she is asking for and my brother is giving her.
Queenie, how can we make her and my brother understand?—Feeling guilty
Dear Feeling guilty,
There is no reason for you to feel guilty about not being as well off as your brother. That is just the way things are sometimes.
If you have tried to explain all this to your mother and your brother and they do not want to listen to you, try writing them a letter explaining how much you can afford to give and why you cannot afford any more than that. Your first priority has to be your children’s welfare.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for more than 20 years and have never been apart for all that time. Our children are about to go away to college and I am afraid that it is raising the children that has kept us together and with them gone away we won’t have anything else to keep us together.
Queenie, will this be the end of our marriage?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
It is true that some couples suffer “empty nest syndrome” when their children have all gone out on their own, but on the other hand, this can also be the best time in your marriage.
Now you have a chance to take a romantic vacation and to find interests that do not involve your children, like club memberships, hobbies and/or classes that you can take together – or separately.
Go forth and enjoy!
Dear Queenie,
My husband pays child support for children with his first wife, but as far as I can see the money is not being used for the children. They never have decent clothes and shoes or pocket money or money for school activities.
Queenie, should we talk to their mother, or what should we do?—Worried stepmother
Dear Stepmother,
Your husband should talk to the children’s mother. It may be that the money goes to pay for necessities like rent, food and/or medical bills. If that conversation is not satisfactory, he should consult his lawyer. Perhaps the support payments are not enough, or if the money is being misused, the support payments to the mother could be reduced and he, together with you, could buy (some of) the children’s clothes and shoes, and give them some pocket money directly.
Dear Queenie,
My husband died about 10 years ago and now I am engaged to be married again. I am inviting all my friends and family to the wedding.
I was always close to my late husband’s family, but having them there would remind me of him and kind of spoil the occasion.
Queenie, do I have to invite them?—Widowed fiancée
Dear Fiancée,
If you are still close to your late husband’s family, they might be hurt if you do not invite them. On the other hand, the occasion might make them sad, so they might not want to come or would not enjoy themselves if they did.
You might talk it over with some of them and see how they feel about watching you get married to someone else. Or you could just send them an announcement, and explain to them later why they were not invited.
Dear Queenie,
I had an affair with a married man whose wife was dying of cancer. It went on for several years and I thought maybe after a period of mourning he would ask me to marry him, or at least come and live with him, but it turned out that he just dumped me right after the funeral. Then, about a year later, he got engaged to some other woman.
Queenie, what do you think of all that?—Puzzled
Dear Puzzled,
Maybe after his wife died he felt so guilty about having cheated on her that he could not go on with you. Or maybe he needed the “forbidden fruit” aspect of your relationship to make it work. Or maybe he just got tired of you, or maybe he is just a jerk.
