Dear Queenie,

  My sister doesn’t listen to what you tell her and then she blames you for her mistakes and complains to our mother about it. When we make plans to do something she remembers it wrong and then blames me and tells our mother it was all my fault.

  Any suggestions, Queenie?—Fed-up brother

Dear Brother,

  Whenever you make plans with your sister, write it all down and e-mail her a copy, e-mail a copy to your mother, and keep a copy for yourself. Then you will have written proof of what the plans were and if your sister gets it wrong she will have only herself to blame.

Dear Queenie,

  I married a man who had been divorced for several years and moved into his house that he had owned since his first marriage. The house is in his mane and he pays the mortgage and I pay the utility bills.

  His things all remind me of his ex-wife, and I would like to have some things of my own or that we chose together, but he wouldn’t let me bring any of my things into the house or buy anything new because he said he already had everything we need, even though some of my things are in better condition than his things, so we put my things in storage, which I pay for.

  Queenie, have I made a big mistake?—Dissatisfied wife

Dear Wife,

  Your husband seems to want to be in full  control of things instead of in a partnership where mutual decisions are made. Explain to him how unhappy this makes you and ask him to go with you for counselling to work on improving matters. If he will not go with you, go alone for help in learning how to deal with your situation and what you can do about it, and deciding what you want to do.

  And think about this: If he treated his ex-wife the way he treats you, his things would have been all his, not hers, and should not remind you so much of her.

Dear Queenie,

  My second husband, my daughter by my first husband, and I had to move in with my second husband’s mother for financial reasons. We are very grateful to her for her generosity, but I have a problem with the way she treats my daughter.

  My mother-in-law does not agree with the way I am raising my daughter and she treats the child the angry way she treated her own children which I very much do not approve of. She even told my daughter that our financial problems were all my daughter’s fault. My husband tried to talk to his mother about this, but it didn’t do any good.

  All this got my daughter so upset that I sent her to live with her father, my first husband. He’s a good father and takes good care of her, but I miss my daughter.

  Queenie, why would she treat a small child that way?—Angry mother

Dear Mother,

  Your mother-in-law may have resented your child for being a reminder of your first husband. Or she may simply be a bullying, abusive woman if, as you say, that is the way she treated her own children. Whatever the reason, you did the right thing to get your daughter away from her.

  You and your husband should try to find a place of your own to live as soon as possible. Meanwhile, try to forgive your mother-in-law for her behaviour, although I know this may be very difficult, if not impossible.

Dear Queenie,

  My girlfriend cannot seem to learn to lock the door of our apartment and I worry that some thief might just walk in when I am not at home or when we are both out.

  Queenie, how can I get her to learn to always lock the door?—Worried boyfriend  

Dear Boyfriend,

  You could hang a sign “Remember to lock the door” on the door, but even that might not be enough.

  But your apartment should have an automatic lock on the door to the outside, and as it does not, you should have one installed, even if the landlord will not do it and you have to pay for it yourself.