Dear Queenie,
My husband was married and had grownup children when his wife had an affair and left him to be with the other man. I met him a couple of years after that and a year later we got married.
His children think the divorce was his fault, and they don’t like me because he married me so soon after we met, so they don’t have much to do with us, and my husband misses his children.
Queenie, is there any way I can make peace with them?—Second wife
Dear Second wife,
All you can do is be patient and hope your husband’s children will eventually come around enough to understand everything that has happened to their family.
Meanwhile, give your husband all the emotional support you can in dealing with his rather immature grownup children.
Dear Queenie,
A friend invited me to a birthday party at a restaurant for another friend of ours and at the end the waiter brought us a bill for our food. We had assumed that the one who invited us was the host and would be the one who paid.
Queenie, shouldn’t they have told us ahead of time that we would have to pay our own way, so that we could be properly prepared?—Offended non-guest
Dear Non-guest,
Of course they should have, but too many people do not behave as they should.
When issuing such an invitation, one should make it clear at that time that the “guests” will be expected to pay their own way.
And when receiving such an invitation it is a good idea to ask who will be picking up the bill.
Dear Queenie,
There is this friend I have had since we were in high school, but since she got a new boyfriend she never has time to get together with me. She says she wants to stay in touch but she almost never answers my calls or replies to my e-mails.
Queenie, should I just give up on her?—Miss my friend
Dear Miss my friend,
It could be your friend is so captivated by her new boyfriend that she just does not have time or energy for anyone else. But it also could be that he is a controlling type who does not want to let her have contact with anyone but him.
So, be patient, give her time to settle into this new relationship and let her know that you will be there for her if she needs you. Then wait and see what happens.
Dear Queenie,
What do you say to people when they ask you questions about personal things that you don’t want to talk about?
Queenie, any suggestions?—MYOB
Dear MYOB,
It depends on how polite you want to be.
You can always smile and say something like, “Sorry, I would rather not talk about that,” and change the subject. Or, less polite, “Why would you ask me such a personal question?” and, again, change the subject.
But do not be as rude as they are by telling them to mind their own business.
Dear Queenie,
I just found out that my teenage son and his girlfriend are having sex and that they are using birth control, because her parents want us to pay for her birth-control pills.
My son says he uses condoms that he pays for out of his allowance.
Queenie, do we have to pay for her pills too?—The boyfriend’s parents
Dear Boyfriend’s parents,
Once teenagers start having sex, at least it is good that they are being responsible about preventing pregnancy and sexually-transmitted diseases.
Your son should continue to use condoms, but his girlfriend’s choice of protection is her responsibility and her parents’, not yours and your son’s.
