Dear Queenie,
If two people are accustomed to having sex together, is it okay for the man to have sex with the woman while she is asleep? I say it’s abuse. My sister disagrees.
Queenie, what do you say?—Just wondering
Dear Wondering,
If a man has sex with a woman without her consent, it is not just abuse, it is rape. And if the man is so incompetent that the woman does not wake up to either protest or give consent and join in on the act, I would not say they are having sex “together”.
Dear Queenie,
Sometimes when someone makes me angry I get so mad I feel like hitting them. One time I got so mad I punched the wall, but I hurt my fist and that made me even madder. I tried counting to 10, but that doesn’t help, it just makes things worse.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Mad Man
Dear Mad Man,
It is normal to get angry now and then, it happens to everyone. Learn to be aware of your anger when it begins to build up, before you start to lose control. It helps to find a constructive way(s) to express it. You can start by saying out loud – in a controlled manner – that whatever it is makes you angry. You can also keep a diary and write down what made you mad. That kind of venting does help.
You should also see a professional counsellor for more help than I can give you in learning to control and cope with your anger issues.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been at college in the United States this year but now I have to go home because of this crisis until after the summer holidays. I love the way things are in the US and I’m not looking forward to being at home on a small island. There are so many things to do here that I’ll miss and all my friends also have gone abroad to study.
Queenie, how can I get used to being at home again?—Not homesick
Dear Not homesick,
Keep reminding yourself how lucky you are to have had the chance to live abroad for a while, and that your home island is a place people in the USA pay thousands of dollars just to visit for a few days.
Once this crisis is over you will be busy studying again (maybe even during the crisis you can keep busy by studying online if you can arrange it with your US school) and there will be a lot else to do at home once things open up again. It will help if you can take a positive attitude toward all that is happening to you (crisis aside).
Dear Queenie,
When I was a child I wanted to be an artist and I made a lot of “artwork” like drawings and collages and my parents have always kept a lot of those things on display in their home even now that I’m all grown up and not so interested in art anymore.
Queenie, it’s so embarrassing to think that people might think I still do that kind of stuff. Is there anything I can do?—Non-artist
Dear Non-artist,
As long as you behave appropriately and explain to people what you do for a living, nobody will think you are a child(like) artist. Try to ignore any annoyance.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. He and his ex-wife have 2 children that I love like they were my own and I thought they liked me too, but I found out they have been telling their mother all kind of things about me that are not true.
My boyfriend and his ex don’t get along with each other and I am one of the things they fight about because of what the kids say about me.
Queenie, is there anything I can do about this?—Worried girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
The children may think their parents will get back together if their father breaks up with you, or they may be telling their mother what they think she wants to hear about you.
There is not much, if anything, you can do about this. Your boyfriend, as the children’s father, will have to handle the problem, both with the children and with his ex-wife.
