Dear Queenie,
I left my husband after many years of being married to him because no matter how many times I tried to talk to him about our problems, according to him our marriage was perfect.
After the divorce I began seeing someone and my ex decided that the only reason I could have left him was for some other man. Now he has told our children that I am not allowed to bring my boyfriend to any family function like our grandchildren’s birthday parties. My boyfriend is willing to be left out, but I know it hurts his feelings.
Queenie, one of our sons is still single. What will I do when he gets married?—Angry ex-wife
Dear Ex-wife,
Your ex will continue to behave this way as long as your children let him get away with it. It is up to all of you to decide whether – and when – to stand up to him. A child’s birthday party is one thing, but a wedding is a much bigger deal. You and your children, especially the son who will be getting married, will have to make up your minds what you will do about it.
Dear Queenie,
A while ago I found out that my husband slept with his secretary while they were away on a business trip. He said it was because they had both been drinking after a long day of doing business and it didn’t mean anything and it never happened before and would never happen again.
However, they still work together and take business trips together.
Queenie, how can I trust him?—Unhappy wife
Dear Wife,
If he does not hide her text messages from you and you can hear their phone conversations you probably have a good idea whether anything is going on between them.
However, if he is keeping any of this “confidential” you have every reason to be suspicious. In that case you will have to decide what you want to do about it. Professional counselling would probably help you deal with all this.
Dear Queenie,
My sister has a habit of commenting negatively on whatever I am wearing, like it’s not a good color for me or it’s out of fashion or it doesn’t seem to fit right (too small or too big) or whatever.
Queenie, I don’t really care what she thinks, but I would like to have a good answer that would shut her up. Can you suggest one?—Offended sister
Dear Sister,
Just tell her, “Maybe you are right. I will have to think about that,” and change the subject.
Dear Queenie,
My son is going to marry a woman from the USA. It’s going to cost a lot for the rest of our family to attend but we all want to be there for his big day. The bride’s family offered to pay for us to stay at a hotel, but we don’t want to take their money.
Queenie, are we still expected to give them a big wedding gift and pay for the rehearsal dinner?—Not rich
Dear Not rich,
Do not spend more than you can afford on all this. It will help if you accept the bride’s family’s offer of lodgings. Then tell your son how much you can afford to spend on the rehearsal dinner. If it costs more, he will have to pay the balance himself.
And you might suggest that he and his bride hold a reception later in your hometown for those friends and family who could not afford the trip to his wedding.
Dear Queenie,
My mother-in-law always sends my son a card with a check in it for his birthday, but she never sends my daughters anything at all. Nobody else in either family does this.
Queenie, my girls are still too young to notice this, but what do I tell them when they get older? And should I ask my mother-in-law why she neglects her granddaughters?—Offended mother
Dear Mother,
Is it possible that your mother-in-law is from a culture that places higher value on male children than on girls? Or that she remembers the date of her grandson’s birthday, but not her granddaughters’?
You could make her a calendar with everyone’s birthday noted on it, and you could ask your husband to speak to his mother about this. And, of course, if you invite your mother-in-law to all the children’s birthday parties, she will have no excuse for “forgetting” the girls’ birthdays.
