Dear Queenie,
My husband and I are going to have our first child in a couple of months and we have been trying to decide on names for a boy or a girl. I was talking to my mother about this and mentioned a couple of the names we were thinking about and she immediately decided that she liked one of them.
She has been making all sorts of baby clothes and blankets and things for her first grandchild and now she is embroidering that name on them.
Queenie, what if we decide on a different name for the baby?—Mother-to-be
Dear Mother-to-be,
For that matter, if the name is gender-specific, what if the baby is of the other gender?
Thank your mother for her efforts and put the matter aside until the baby is born.
I do not think an infant will care what name is on his or her clothes, blankets and whatever. However, if you give him/her a different name and do not want to use the things your mother has made, put them away for the next child you may have or, if you think you will never use them, donate them to a charitable organisation.
Dear Queenie,
I work as a delivery man and very often people say, “Thank you,” when I give them their stuff.
Queenie, I never know how to answer them, I’m just doing my job. What should I say?—Delivery Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
When someone thanks you for anything, including just doing your job, it is always appropriate to say, “You’re welcome.” “Have a nice day” is another good response.
Dear Queenie,
When my daughter was a child I had to work full-time to support her because her father never paid any child support. I had to depend on his mother to take care of her while I was at work and his mother never liked me and she told my daughter awful things about me that just weren’t true, but my daughter believed her.
Now my daughter is all grown up and we are estranged because of all the lies her grandmother told her (and still tells her).
Queenie, is there any way I can reconnect with her?—Unhappy mother
Dear Mother,
You can try to tell your daughter the truth about the things her grandmother told her about you, but she may have trouble believing you unless you can show her proof of what you are saying. Professional counselling for the two of you together might help, if you can persuade her to go with you, but if she will not go, go by yourself to learn how to deal with her and with your feelings about her behaviour.
Dear Queenie,
I get so disgusted when someone I’m with starts using their cell phone instead of talking to me. When they do that when we’re eating in a restaurant I just walk away and leave it up to them pay the bill.
Queenie, why are people so rude?—Cell phone Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Has it not occurred to you that they think you are being rude for just walking away and leaving the bill for them to pay?
In a case like this you should tell the person why you are leaving. Better yet, say something to them when they first reach for their cell phone.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who doesn’t drive, so she depends on everyone she knows to take her to places like the bank, the doctor’s office and shopping. Once in a while she gives me gas money.
The problem I have with all this is that the driving I do for her costs a lot more than she gives me for gas, and the time she takes doing her errands. I like to get things done quickly and get on with it, but you wouldn’t believe how much time she takes doing her shopping.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
As often as possible make sure your friend is with you when you go to buy gas so she can see just how much it costs you, and do not be shy about asking her to help pay for it.
As for the time problem, when she asks you to take her out to run errands, tell her just how much time you have to spare and that if she takes longer than that you will just have to leave her to fend for herself.
And do not feel obliged to take her places every time she asks. Maybe if she has to call a taxi or take a bus once in a while she will learn to have more consideration for you.
