Dear Queenie,
My father makes fun of my mother and criticizes her all the time. I never hear him say anything nice to her. I tried to talk to him about this but he just got mad at me.
Queenie, how can I convince my mother that she should leave him?—Worried daughter
Dear Daughter,
There are many reasons women stay with men who abuse them. Your mother may simply be in love with your father. She may think she has no other choice than to stay with him. She may be financially dependent on him, afraid of being alone, or, if you still live with your parents, just waiting until you move out so as not to leave you alone with him. You cannot convince your mother to leave your father until you understand why she has not already done so.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I did not live together before we got married, so I never knew what a messy person he is. He tracks in all kinds of dirt and leaves things lying around and never picks them up.
I have asked him to be more careful and to pick up after himself, but he just won’t bother to do it, so I end up cleaning up after him.
Queenie, is there anything I can do about this?—Disgusted Wife
Dear Wife,
Did you never visit his home before you married him? What was it like? Surely you would have noticed if it had been as messy as you say he makes things, so (unless he was living with his parents and his mother did all the cleaning up) maybe he hired someone to clean for him.
If you can afford it, hiring a cleaner may be the solution you are looking for. And if he does other things for you than cleaning up, consider it a fair trade and try not to let his messiness irritate you so much.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend wants me to move in with him and for us to live together for a while before we get married. I believe people should get married before they start living together.
He says we should get to know each other completely before we decide to make such a commitment. I think that making that commitment gives you more strength in solving relationship problems.
Queenie, what do you say?—Traditional woman
Dear Traditional woman,
I say you both have good reasons for your opinions on the subject and this is something the two of you will have to work out between you.
And, as always, I say professional counselling, separately and together, might help.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who is always criticising other people, what they do, how they look, whatever. She never seems to have anything good to say.
Queenie, I get so sick of listening to her. How do I tell her that and still stay her friend?—Fed-up friend
Dear Friend,
Some people turn into chronic complainers as they get older. Sometimes there are medical reasons and sometimes it is just an attitude that comes with aging.
Mention to your friend how unhappy she seems to be these days, ask her how she has been feeling, and suggest she see her doctor for a thorough check-up. And try to be patient with her.
Dear Queenie,
I met a wonderful guy in one of my classes at university, but I’m afraid my parents won’t like him because he’s a lot older than me and divorced and has a school-age daughter from his marriage.
Queenie, how do I get my parents to understand that this is the man for me?—Co-ed in love
Dear Co-ed,
When you talk to your parents mention this wonderful guy to them, gradually tell them more and more about him, and eventually arrange for them to meet him in person. After that it will be up to your wonderful guy to persuade your parents to accept him as the man for you.
Meanwhile, you also should be getting to know him better and better. If he really is the man for you, your relationship with him will only become stronger over time.
