Dear Queenie,

  I have a son with my ex-boyfriend, but we split up and I got in with my present boyfriend just after I got pregnant. Everyone thinks my present boyfriend is the boy’s father, including my present boyfriend and my son.

  Now my ex wants to tell our son that he is his real father.

  Queenie, should I tell them the truth?—Undecided mother

Dear Mother,

  If your son ever has a DNA test the truth will come out, which could be a shock to him, and to your present boyfriend. Better it come from you before that happens.

  If your present boyfriend and your son have a good relationship it should not be affected – he will just become the boy’s stepfather instead of his “real” father.

  And your ex should remember that a DNA test will prove that he is responsible for child support.

Dear Queenie,

  My son’s girlfriend got him involved in a religious group that doesn’t believe in celebrating holidays and birthdays. He got mad when I sent him a birthday card and now he isn’t speaking to me.

  Queenie, how can I make things better between us?—Miss my son

Dear Miss,

  You can apologise for not sharing his beliefs and promise to show them more respect in the future.

  Is your son’s girlfriend speaking to you? If she is, perhaps she will put in a good word on your behalf. Surely these people understand that many people do not share their (un)beliefs.

Dear Queenie,

  My husband and I both work, but we have our own accounts and he pays all the household bills except for groceries and won’t let me know about any of that. But he scolds me when I spend money from my own account on things for myself.

  Queenie, is this fair?—Independent wife

Dear Wife,

  Your husband’s controlling behaviour is a form of abuse and you should not put up with it. How he spends his own money on himself is his business, but you are entitled to know about household expenses, which are mutual, and how he handles them – just as he is entitled to know how much you spend on groceries, which are also a mutual matter (if he is interested enough to ask), but not what you spend on things for yourself.

Dear Queenie,

  I got divorced years ago because my husband was having an affair. My kids were 5 and 6 years old at the time.

  After the divorce my ex-husband married the woman he had the affair with and they had a baby who is now school-age and when my own kids are staying with their father and come to see me they bring along their little half-sister. I don’t like having this kid around because she reminds me of all that stuff I went through with the affair and the divorce.

  Queenie, how do I explain all this to my own kids without saying bad things about their dad?—Ex-wife

Dear Ex-wife,

  Write your ex-husband a (polite) note explaining that you prefer not to see this child because of all the unhappy memories she brings up.

  Without going into any painful and unpleasant detail, tell your own children that you wish they would not bring their little sister with them when they come to see you because seeing her makes you remember how unhappy you were back then when you and their father got divorced.