Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 20s and I don’t know if I will ever want to have children. When I go out with someone more than once or twice the question of children usually comes up and I don’t know what to say.
Queenie, how can I know for sure? And until I do, what should I say?—Undecided about kids
Dear Undecided,
It is quite common for someone your age to not know whether they will ever want to be a parent. For the time being, tell your date you might want to have children someday, but you are not ready for that yet.
And if you become so close to anyone that there is a possibility of pregnancy, be sure to take precautions to prevent that from happening by accident.
Dear Queenie,
Soon after her wedding my daughter found out that her engagement and wedding rings were fakes – not real diamonds and gold. Also, her husband’s mother makes fun of everything about her, from her cooking to her clothes and even her hair style, and he does nothing to protect her from his mother’s criticism – to the contrary, he tells her she is making him miserable.
Queenie, what can I do to help her?—Angry mother
Dear Mother,
You can help your daughter find a professional counsellor who will help her decide whether she wants to stay married to this verbally abusive (I hope his abuse is only verbal!) cheapskate. And if she decides she want to be free of him, you can help her find a good divorce attorney.
And you can be there for her during all of this difficult time.
Dear Queenie,
My parents are always telling me that I have to learn to think for myself and not just go along with whatever everyone else believes, but then when I disagree with them (my parents) about something they get mad at me.
Queenie, why don’t they stick to what they tell me?—Teenager
Dear Teenager,
Obviously your parents consider themselves in a different category than “everyone else” and expect you to conform to whatever they (your parents) are trying to teach you, especially when it comes to matters like religion.
Even if you do not agree with what someone else believes, you should treat their beliefs with respect just as you would expect them to respect your beliefs, but even if they do not – especially when it comes to matters of religion, and most especially your parents.
Dear Queenie,
I used to have a full-time job, but I quit when our first child was born to be a stay-at-home mother. Since our family income is now a lot less I try to watch what I spend and keep to a budget, but my husband keeps reminding me that he is now the only one bringing in any money and he complains whenever I buy anything, even groceries or clothes for the kids.
Queenie, why does he do me this way?—Full-time Mom
Dear Mom,
Your husband may feel under pressure and may resent being the only wage-earner. Is he familiar with your budget and the fact that you keep to it? Knowing this might take some of the pressure off him.
You could also tell him that you would consider going back to work full-time if he would hire a caregiver for your children – and make sure he understands just how much a satisfactory caregiver would have to be paid.
Dear Queenie,
I just had a baby boy and I want to name him Philip John after my uncle who died not long ago, but my aunt, my uncle’s widow, wants to keep that name for her daughter to name her baby when she has a boy, who will be my uncle’s grandson.
Queenie, should I give my baby a different name?—Niece in mourning
Dear Niece,
It often happens, especially in large families, that several children are named after the same deceased relative. However, this often leads to some confusion, especially if the children are all about the same age.
Why not name your son John Philip in honour of your uncle? Then your cousin can name her son Philip John and you both will have honoured her father, both in naming your sons after him and in respecting his widow’s wishes – and you will have reduced the possibilities of any confusion.
