Dear Queenie,
My son and his wife both have good jobs, but they do not pay their bills on time and his mother and I get calls from collection agents looking for them. Now they want to take out a loan for a new car and they want us to co-sign.
Queenie, we are retired and we have enough to live on, but we are afraid of getting stuck with the debt. On the other hand, what if they stop letting us see our grandchildren?—Worried grandparents
Dear Grandparents,
If debt collectors are calling you looking for your son and his wife, it means they are already not paying their bills, which means there is a good chance you will get stuck with the debt if you co-sign a loan with them. And do they really need a new car?
If they stop letting you see your grandchildren, that is a risk you will have to take.
On the other hand, if your son and his wife get in real financial trouble – even bankruptcy – there is a good chance they will have to come to live with you, if you are able to take them in, or that you will be given custody of their children if they cannot find adequate living quarters.
Dear Queenie,
My father passed away a few years ago. They always used to make a big celebration for their anniversary and I never know what to do when the date comes up. I don’t want to just ignore it but I don’t feel right telling my mother, “Happy anniversary.”
Queenie, what do you suggest?—His daughter
Dear Daughter,
If your mother lives nearby, invite her to dinner on that date. She will know what date it is and you can be guided by what she says or does not say or do. If she lives too far away for you to get together with her, give her a call and, again, be guided by what she says or does not say.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend thinks smoking pot is okay, and having sex right away with someone you’re dating. I think both of these things are totally wrong.
Queenie, except for these things I really like him a lot. Should I stick with him and hope he changes?—Undecided Girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Smoking marijuana is illegal and can be addictive, which almost certainly will lead to legal and other problems, if it has not done so already. And a guy who pressures you for sex on the first date when you are clearly unwilling is inconsiderate, to put it politely.
Try to discuss all this with him and see how it goes, but if things do not change quickly, dump him and look for someone more agreeable.
Dear Queenie,
I have been divorced for a long time. My ex-husband works part-time for several different employers. At a recent party for our daughter’s birthday he turned up in dirty shorts and T-shirt, not even his work clothes, and he didn’t just smell bad, he stank. I told him I needed a better view for my camera and tried to move away, but he followed me. I just couldn’t get away from him.
Queenie, what can I say to him without making him mad?—Offended ex-wife
Dear Offended,
I cannot guarantee there is anything you can say that will not make him angry, but if you tell him the truth he may just be grateful to you even if he does not admit it. And there is no reason your daughter cannot speak to her father about this as well if she was as embarrassed (and offended) as you were.
Dear Queenie,
Why do women make so many limitations on what their children’s fathers can do with the children, like they can’t take the children to a party or visit a friend’s house or things like that or let them play outside alone.
Queenie, if he’s not actually abusing the kid, what’s the harm?—Just asking
Dear Just asking,
The women you describe may be “helicopter moms”. Or, they may have valid concerns about their children’s fathers’ parenting ability.
Being too permissive could, in some circumstances, be just as dangerous for the child as actually being abusive – for example, not watching closely enough while a child, especially a little one, is playing in a swimming pool or riding a bicycle.
