Dear Queenie,
My husband and my son both treat me well when they are not both there, but when they are together they get very offensive. When I try to talk to my husband about this he just gets mad and says it’s my fault.
Queenie, why do they act this way?—Offended mother
Dear Mother,
This may be a form of “male bonding”, but not in a good way. Your husband may have issues he does not know how to talk about, and your son may just be following his father’s lead, but he should not be allowed to treat you disrespectfully.
Professional counselling as a family might help. If not, or if you cannot get the other two to go with you, you may need individual counselling to help you learn how to cope with the situation and decide whether you want to continue to put up with it.
Dear Queenie,
I’m going with a man who is a lot older than I am, almost old enough to be my father. A lot of people we know, including some relatives, have commented to both of us about the age difference.
Queenie, how should we answer them? Are we breaking some kind of social rule?—Not-so-old woman
Dear Woman,
There is no social rule about the comparative ages of a couple who are going together, but a large age difference is uncommon enough to attract comments.
Ignore them, or tell them “He (“she” for your partner) makes me happy.”
Dear Queenie,
I’ve tried to get my mother to stop drinking because she spends most of her money on her drinks but she gets mad and tells me I can’t tell her how to spend her money.
I try to look after my little brothers and sisters and I make some money babysitting but I can’t do it all myself.
Queenie, should I keep talking to my mother or just leave her alone? And where can I get some help?—Drunk’s teenage daughter
Dear Daughter,
There is nothing you can do about your mother’s drinking until she is willing to admit that it is a problem. However, you can get some help for yourself from Al-Anon and/or Alateen (al-anon.org or al-anon.alateen.org).
You should also talk to an adult you trust and ask them to help you get in touch with your local social services to help you get proper care for yourself and your younger siblings.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has a child who is terribly fat, but they don’t seem to be worried about it.
Queenie, should I talk to them about it?—Concerned friend
Dear Friend,
Why do you think the parents are not concerned about their child’s weight? Tell them you have noticed and ask what the child’s paediatrician has said about it.
Dear Queenie,
Some time ago a friend told me she was molested when she was a child and I told her I know how she felt because it happened to me too when I was young. Now I have found out that she told some other people we know that I slept around, but she didn’t explain that it was when I was a child and that I was the victim of the ones who molested me.
Queenie, should I explain the truth when the subject comes up? And how do I deal with this woman who told them all this?—Victim again
Dear Victim again,
When the subject comes up, tell people the truth about what happened to you long ago.
You might also mention that when you told your friend about it you had no idea she would talk about it to anyone else. And do not ever again talk to that friend about anything you want kept confidential – that is, if you do not decide to end the friendship altogether.
