Dear Editor,
“Hey did I tell you about … Are you listening to me?” I’d blink rapidly and have a confused expression on my face before quickly replying “Yeah, I heard you.” But in reality I actually didn’t understand a word you said. I know, however, that your lips were moving (well, sometimes I don’t notice that either). I faintly recall the base in your voice, so I know something, you said something.
I’m a victim of this too. It’s not a very nice trait to have and a tough habit to break. It comes over as rude and ignorant. People receive the wrong impression of you because you interrupt what they are saying to get your point across or you only listen for certain words or statements and totally disregard whatever else has been said. I do it fairly often myself with my friends.
Every day, we communicate with others in one way or the other. Sometimes the way we communicate can lead to arguments or worse. We often hear the phrase “I heard you,” and think we don’t have to repeat what we said to someone. But sometimes, one may say he or she heard you, but did they even listen? Did the message actually come across?
This is where the individual speaking starts raising their voice, thinking they haven’t spoken loud enough for the next person to hear, when really, the person is simply not paying attention. You see, hearing is a natural process that starts when sounds, or rather vibrations, causing movement of fluid in the ears and sound is thereby sent to the brain. Simple as that. You haven’t gotten to the point where you need to understand what it is you’re hearing. So technically, you did hear the person, even if you didn’t listen.
I, personally, simply don’t always listen to what is being said. I do, however, hear when someone is speaking. I have constantly received complaints about it from people who interact with me on a daily basis. They understand that it’s a bad habit I have, but for persons who have just met me, it can get really annoying to have to repeat themselves for me - a little embarrassing for me.
I tend listen to bits and pieces of conversations and figure out the rest that is being said, rather than paying attention to what is being said. It’s kind of a pride thing for me. I always felt that I have to learn stuff on my own. Yes, I do ask questions, but sometimes that question was answered before I asked, but I missed it because I wasn’t giving my undivided attention to the speaker.
Listening is a process in which hearing, attending, understanding and remembering come into play. Through hearing, sound enters the eardrum and travels onward to the brain. Our brain then “attends” or receives the sound and decides what to pay attention to. The brain then takes what is “understood” or meaningful and applies it to the social context. The brain has to remember what it understood. It therefore stores the information for use at a later time.
With that all being explained, why is it that we still choose not to listen? Why is it so hard to let it just register inside our brains, pay attention to what has been asked and give an intelligent reply? Have you ever had that one moment when you actually listened and everything seemed so crystal clear? It had you like, “Oh yes, now I understand!” I love those moments.
I only recently learned that if you would just sit, listen and observe rather than trying to respond even before the individual whom you are communicating with finishes his or her statement, it avoids unnecessary problems.
I think we should all give that a try more often. I think we would step up our interacting and communications skills this way.
Hibiscus Child
Pseudonym used at author’s request.
Dear Editor,
Please allow me some space in your newspaper to address GEBE.
Dear Editor,
I have come to realize that my letters to you, which you published, have had some kind of an impact on the readers, because every time there is a lull in the flow of articles people who meet me want to know the reason. Their remarks are sometimes sarcastic as well, as if I am abandoning them. The latest comment was, "What yo' write about Theo again, that they didn't like?" I told them it was not I who decided to let the Members of Parliament run the government via the opinion pages of the newspapers.
I was standing in a place of business when someone said to me what has gradually become normal: "UP is not in there anymore, so you not writing anything anymore?" I was not going to start that kind of conversation in that business, so I invited him outside to listen to what I had to say. He was joined by two other people, and I explained that gentleman that I had written to the Editor expressing that I do not think that any Member of Parliament should be afforded the opportunity to address him/herself via the opinion page of the newspaper, because I believe that every responsible citizen of a community should do the responsible thing.
Promptly after that there were three letters from three different Members of Parliament printed in the opinion pages. So I drew my conclusion from that. But concerning those letters, if I were a politician who is going to write a letter to the Editor of any newspaper I definitely know that I would have someone critique it first, before submitting it. All three of those letters needed going over before sending.
But then again with certain people it is not what should not be done; it is I do not care what is done. MP Rodolphe Samuel wanted to know if it is so difficult to choose someone from the Management board of St.Maarten Telecommunication Holding Company NV to be the CEO of the NV, but he is talking about the help desk (for Internet I assume) not being on Sint Maarten.
What does he really want to know? Why is there no help desk on Sint Maarten if no CEO can be found? I would prefer a help desk here, because that could provide four or more jobs, whereas a CEO would be giving someone in the NV a promotion and no guarantee that anyone would be employed. Beside that, there are several other local companies of which Curaçao does the answering when one phones for help from here. WIB is one.
Now my question is: Is this really the competence of the Editor of a newspaper to answer questions like those coming from a Member of Parliament? I tried to analyze it in several ways to see if it might be rhetorical, but it seems genuinely emotional, and to me embarrassing.
Since I'm at it, permit me to mention this. Even though I have known that civics is taught in the schools, because I noticed that very few people here know their civil rights, I repeatedly mentioned this over the years. Not even our people in government know the basics of our civil code and rights. As has become the custom now, it took someone who is not afraid to make use of their rights to freedom of expression to bring that forward. But I can understand for them, because I also would not go in the sea if I cannot swim. This tells me something of their party leaders.
This is exactly what I have been stating, whether openly or in between the lines. Our people in government do not care about what is good for the citizens of the country, and will not make any effort to better it. We drastically need electoral reform and one of the requirements to be in government should be that one should at the least be legally in possession of a legal diploma or equivalent thereof of the level of the compulsory education of the country. If higher education could be demanded for any candidate Member of Parliament that would be even better.
By the way, the arrangement of the equipment permitted to be used for all public transportation, (busses, taxis, etc.), should be found in the ordinance governing public transportation. These are some of the issues that were brought forward many years ago, but were not attended to because a former commissioner of public transportation refused to keep meetings with the members of the Government Control Unit. We later learned why, but nothing has been done to correct this situation.
I hope that now that Zika is the new craze, someone would be more considerate and do the right thing. There are so many laws on the books that are not implemented, which could help curb a lot of infractions. We do not need to re-invent the wheel. Members of Parliament need to do their jobs.
Russell A. Simmons
Dear Editor,
I remember the very first time I met Joan. My brother and I were standing near our uncle’s house in Grand Case, when he pointed at a young girl who was walking in our direction and said: “Hey, that’s our cousin Joan.” The young girl, apparently too shy to talk to us ran right past us into our uncle’s house and disappeared.
The next time I saw her was several decades later. She had moved to the USA and returned to St. Maarten as an adult. One afternoon, as I was walking to my car, I saw this lady on the other side of the street. Our eyes met and she smiled at me. I immediately knew she was my long-lost cousin. I crossed the street, hugged and kissed her and told her how happy I was to see her again. Every time we met after that, there was always a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eyes.
Then, one fateful Monday morning, shortly after I arrived at my job, I heard a co-worker telling another: “He did it. He shot her in the neck.” No names were called, yet I somehow knew they were talking about my cousin. The next morning they shipped her out to University Hospital in Puerto Rico.
Two days later I flew to San Juan. When I got to her room she looked like she was resting peacefully. Good, I thought, she’s asleep. However, I got scared when I looked into her eyes, it was as if I were looking into the eyes of a dead person. For about 10 minutes I just stood there looking at her. At first I was afraid to touch her. She was lying there, so peacefully, like someone in a profound sleep.
It was so very quiet in the ICU. The only thing that interrupted the deadly silence was the sound coming from a small device on a table not far from her bed. As I watched her chest rise and fall with each perfectly-timed stroke of the device, I realized with horror that she was not breathing on her own; this piece of equipment was pumping life-sustaining oxygen into her lungs. The only thing between my cousin and eternity was this rather small, electrical man-made apparatus.
A doctor, who had heard me whispering her name, came over. “She can’t hear you!” To prove his point, he put his lips very close to her ears and yelled her name (totally mispronouncing it). Not the slightest reaction. “See? She is brain-dead” and walked away.
By this time I had mustered up enough courage to carefully remove her arm from under the impeccably white sheet. Her skin was warm to the touch; I began caressing her hand and playing with her fingers. A stupid thought entered my mind, “What will death do to these long, beautiful fingers?”
I don’t know how long I stood there holding her hand and silently pleading with God to bring her back. “Just for a short time, Lord. Give me a few minutes with her. I want to tell her about You, about how much You love her. I want to tell her to ask forgiveness for her sins.”
On and on I went, but, even as I was fervently praying to God, my subconscious mind began mocking me. “If I were God, I would tell you: Clive, you had plenty of time to talk with her about the Lord, but you didn’t. She can’t hear you now. It’s too late. You blew it! I completely ignored those negative thoughts, and continued pleading with the Lord.
At this time Joan’s sister and brother arrived at the hospital. I wondered why they had taken so long to get there, but then I remembered that I had barged my way in long before visiting hours.
A coma is such a merciful thing, I thought, but yet at the same time a horrible thing. It rendered my cousin complete insensitivity to what would otherwise be intense, unbearable physical pain. But it also made her totally unaware of the many tender kisses on her forehead, the passionate calling of her name and the tears that fell from a sister’s face onto her own. I stood there taking it all in.
I thought of the time I had borrowed a book from her. Its title was, Life after Life. She must have loved that book, because she was reluctant to lend it to me. “Make sure you bring it back, Clive.”
I was now glad she had read it, for she was about to enter that realm.
My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a soft voice with a Spanish accent: “Sir, you have to leave now; visiting time is over.” I quickly glanced at my watch. Visiting time had ended about three hours ago. The head nurse had been very lenient. We reluctantly left the hospital, hoping that the time would pass quickly, so we could be with Joan again.
Early the next morning I hurried back to the hospital. This time, however, the nurse on duty was unwilling to allow me access to the ICU. I sensed she was holding something back; there was something she was afraid to tell me. As she reached for the phone on her desk to call her supervisor, I asked her, “Has the patient passed away?” She looked at me and solemnly nodded.
Some 34 years have gone by and I still vividly remember every detail. What had made a big impact on me were the horrific words that have stayed with me to this day, “You had ample time … but you blew it.”
Clive Hodge
Dear Editor,
This message is to Bus drivers:
For the last months I have had the need to take the bus due to the fact that my vehicle is old and I can’t drive in peak hours.
I have to say that the public transport most of the time is efficient, “friendly bus drivers.” But, I have found just one inconvenience, those buses who have the privilege to use their airconditioning in this tropical weather, I must say that is a need; but when there are almost 20 people in one full bus with no ventilation through all people’s breathing, maybe some “don’t realize” that the high risk of contamination and contracting respiratory infections during the travel time is extremely high.
I have experienced lack of breathing and almost suffocation that I had to stop anywhere and take another bus with ventilation. I just would like to recommend, especially for brand- new buses to have at least one window open to allow fresh air circulation. During evening times after people’s work, most of them have been sweating during the day. Perhaps some people have the opportunity to take a shower everyday, but some people don’t.
Please allow fresh air in your buses or ventilate and clean them when they are not in service. Besides, in evening hours there is no need to use the airco. Thank you.
Name withheld at author’s request.
