Dear Editor,
“Hey did I tell you about … Are you listening to me?” I’d blink rapidly and have a confused expression on my face before quickly replying “Yeah, I heard you.” But in reality I actually didn’t understand a word you said. I know, however, that your lips were moving (well, sometimes I don’t notice that either). I faintly recall the base in your voice, so I know something, you said something.
I’m a victim of this too. It’s not a very nice trait to have and a tough habit to break. It comes over as rude and ignorant. People receive the wrong impression of you because you interrupt what they are saying to get your point across or you only listen for certain words or statements and totally disregard whatever else has been said. I do it fairly often myself with my friends.
Every day, we communicate with others in one way or the other. Sometimes the way we communicate can lead to arguments or worse. We often hear the phrase “I heard you,” and think we don’t have to repeat what we said to someone. But sometimes, one may say he or she heard you, but did they even listen? Did the message actually come across?
This is where the individual speaking starts raising their voice, thinking they haven’t spoken loud enough for the next person to hear, when really, the person is simply not paying attention. You see, hearing is a natural process that starts when sounds, or rather vibrations, causing movement of fluid in the ears and sound is thereby sent to the brain. Simple as that. You haven’t gotten to the point where you need to understand what it is you’re hearing. So technically, you did hear the person, even if you didn’t listen.
I, personally, simply don’t always listen to what is being said. I do, however, hear when someone is speaking. I have constantly received complaints about it from people who interact with me on a daily basis. They understand that it’s a bad habit I have, but for persons who have just met me, it can get really annoying to have to repeat themselves for me - a little embarrassing for me.
I tend listen to bits and pieces of conversations and figure out the rest that is being said, rather than paying attention to what is being said. It’s kind of a pride thing for me. I always felt that I have to learn stuff on my own. Yes, I do ask questions, but sometimes that question was answered before I asked, but I missed it because I wasn’t giving my undivided attention to the speaker.
Listening is a process in which hearing, attending, understanding and remembering come into play. Through hearing, sound enters the eardrum and travels onward to the brain. Our brain then “attends” or receives the sound and decides what to pay attention to. The brain then takes what is “understood” or meaningful and applies it to the social context. The brain has to remember what it understood. It therefore stores the information for use at a later time.
With that all being explained, why is it that we still choose not to listen? Why is it so hard to let it just register inside our brains, pay attention to what has been asked and give an intelligent reply? Have you ever had that one moment when you actually listened and everything seemed so crystal clear? It had you like, “Oh yes, now I understand!” I love those moments.
I only recently learned that if you would just sit, listen and observe rather than trying to respond even before the individual whom you are communicating with finishes his or her statement, it avoids unnecessary problems.
I think we should all give that a try more often. I think we would step up our interacting and communications skills this way.
Hibiscus Child
Pseudonym used at author’s request.
