BY SHARON VAN ARNEMAN
You see them every Father’s Day – I’m talking about Happy Father’s Day messages extended to moms who singlehandedly raised their kids in the absence of a father: “Happy Father’s Day to all the single moms pulling double duty.” “Happy Father’s Day to all mothers doing it all!” “Happy Father’s Day, Mom. You’re the best dad I ever had.” “Happy Father’s Day to my mom who did the jobs of both Mom and Dad.” “Happy Father’s Day, Mom. Thanks for picking up the slack from my deadbeat dad.” “Happy Father’s Day, Mom! Any women can be a mother, but it takes a bad-ass mom to be a dad too.”
The variations of these Father’s Day greetings to the vast number of single moms out there are many. But while the sentiment expressed is understood, can moms really replace dads? Granted, there’s a wide spectrum of causes including both legitimate and painful reasons why moms end up raising their children alone – Having children with men who just won’t commit; Divorce; Death of the husband; Father simply splits and disappears; Mom drives father away for whatever reason; Mom takes the kids and leaves her abusive partner; Motherhood on account of rape; Father abandons his parental responsibilities; etcetera; etcetera. But are any of those reasons valid for single moms to demand that they be recognized on Father’s Day?
Obviously, there’s not a soul anywhere on earth who will dispute the fact that being a single mom is hands down the toughest job on the planet. Kudos for raising your kids solo and embracing all the hard work and sacrifice that single parenting brings! You’re a great mom! You’re a super mom! You’re an amazing mom! You’re a phenomenal mom! And, hopefully, you have the kind of children who know how to show you appreciation for all you do for them – children who will spare no effort lavishing you with praise – especially on Mother’s Day, when moms all over the world are loved and celebrated for their sweet awesomeness! That said, I think it’s helpful when Mom can acknowledge that as good a mom as she is, she is simply not a dad!
Dad is not irrelevant. Dad is not replaceable. Dad is not unimportant. Dad is not redundant. And seeing that study after study after study irrefutably demonstrates that fathers play an important and irreplaceable role in the healthy development of a child, rather than trying to discount the importance of the dad’s presence in the life of the child by competing with other dads for the Father of the Year title – on the one day of the year that is set aside to celebrate the men who’ve embraced their roles as dads – the wise mom will instead look for ways that she can provide opportunities for her children to engage with other father figures – whether they be teachers or coaches, youth leaders or pastors, uncles or cousins, neighbours or friends – good hearted and honest men who are not afraid to step up to the challenge and take on that father figure role in the place of that absentee dad, bringing to the child’s life those positive benefits that even the best mom cannot provide.
To contact Sharon,
write to P.O. Box 484,
Philipsburg, St. Maarten, Dutch Caribbean.
Email:roseofsharon1966@hotmail.com
Phone: 1 (721) 554-9590
