Through Cam's Lens: Musings

“But if we just spoke, like we meant it

Would you reference

This open part of me

The minute I know the time we spent in

Came corrected, in my anatomy”

A thought popped into my head the other day and I wrote a short poem about it. Well, not really a poem, but I don’t know what else to call it. It’s about a guy who wanted more from a girl, but she knew that her more would destroy him. She tried to protect him from all that she came with, but he was stubborn. Lol.

I’ll just let you read it.

“I am sure that as the shore

You were my ocean.

You consistently presented me with a portion of your presence.

That idea I could not grasp because I felt like I could handle more

Of you.

And then you demonstrated why.

You flooded me with the fullness of your presence.

And when you left, all that was left was ruin.”

Obviously, people thought I was talking about a heartbreak of my own – and maybe I was – but that’s none of yo bizniss. (Lol, why am I like this?)

I also had a completely separate conversation with another friend about heartbreak. She told me that if she knew the last person who broke my heart, she’d go fight them. “Oh really,” he responded, with googly eyes singing “and that’s what friends are for.” I should probably leak the name, right? It’s been a while since I’ve witnessed a good fight.

WORLDSTAR!

There have been maybe two occasions in my life that I’ve been heartbroken by someone that I wasn’t in a relationship with. They were situations where I was in a passionate pursuit of someone who I felt, at the time, shared in what I was feeling for them. Welp, lol. You gon’ learn today.

I don’t know. I think what hurt the most in those situations was the fact that I was consciously trying to be the best version of myself for the individuals – like Destiny’s Child Cater 2 U, or Boyz II Men I’ll Make Love To You, or Rihanna Kiss It Better type of vibes. (I know y’all enjoying this crap, lol.) And after working to get your ratings on 99, you kind of get defecated on. That’s enough to question your whole existence. Lol.

Why am I here? Is this really what life is about? Am I ugly? Are there really nine planets? Does pineapple belong on pizza? Can Loki lend me one of those stones? Can Sint Maarten government ever go a full term? Will my clients who owe me money ever pay up?

You go through a period after you lose out on someone you cared about where your chest kind of feels empty. “If I only had a heart,” said the Tin Man. (I’m hitting you guys with crazy musical selections today, huh?) Social media cleansing is a must. You can’t afford to see that person’s face. You ever been hit by a bus twice? No? Go through a heartbreak and don’t do a social media cleanse. LOL

Life is great. The ups and downs that we face are really all just character builders. Most times, it absolutely sucks in the moment and sometimes it absolutely sucks in the future looking back. However, there’s always a “blessing in every lesson and I’m glad that I know him at all.” (That was The Truth by India Arie)

Killing y’all with the music today. Sheesh.

*Yo, Siri, play Cold War by Cautious Clay*