Through Cam's Lens: Knotted Souls

“I'm in love with the coco (Coco)

I'm in love with the coco (Coco)

I got it for the low, low

I'm in love with the coco (Coco)”

It’s 11:19 and I’m just sitting in the studio with the light from my computer monitor beating against my face, and all I can think is: I want a coke. The last week has been “I want a coke” type of week.

As much as I prefer to maintain my clean- or healthy-eating lifestyle, I appreciate moments like these, because I can always know when I’m “not doing good”. I can easily identify the reason why I was purposely not responding to texts, or ranting on Facebook, or not wanting to edit images...Lol.

I guess life is like that – that fluctuations or emotions – happy, sad, angry, stressed. (Is stressed even an emotion? Lol. I don’t even know and I’m not Googling it either.)

I know why I’ve been feeling this way: It’s a combination of two things that I’m unable to share with you guys at the moment. Well, I can share one of them with you in a hypothetical, general type of manner.

Women.

Oh! I know someone read that and they’re ready for a fight. Lol. Calmate.

Just thinking back to my younger-younger days – I’ve had a lot of amazing women come in and out of my life; a SMALL portion of which broke the heart of a young stud, but you know, it’s all good over here.

Anyway...

I think back on these experiences and these women, and it makes me wonder - How many of these women was I ever really ready for? Not in the playa-playa context, but in the context of me being a man, and really ready to care for a woman.

Unknowingly and unintentionally, I’ve done my own share of hurting women in the past because I was immature and honestly selfish. Why would God ever drop one of the queens that He Himself handcrafted into my lap? Was I ready for that responsibility? Would I have been able to manage that good thing?

I don’t know; I’m just thinking. This is a one take piece. I’m telling this to you straight off the dome; hot off the press. You smell me? Like Cake House bread... Eh heh...

Sorry, lol.

I guess what sparked this train of thought was someone that I saw recently, who, without a doubt, is remarkably magnificent. And you know, sometimes we wonder, “What if…?” “What if I could...?” “What if we could...?” “What if WE could...?”

But would I have been ready for the responsibility?

I had another thought, too, on Sunday night; well, it was Monday morning, because your boy be up sometimes... Lol.

A lot of times we end up in situations where the ONLY thing we wanted and needed was affection: A hug, a kiss, a gentle word... searching for something we didn’t get as kids, because Daddy was gone and his affection was unavailable, and Mom had to work three times as hard, so she was unable to give off whatever she had. A lot of times, we were met with Mom’s wrath rather than her love, because Dad left and we’re all Mom has left, and we’re a reminder to her of the mistakes she’s made. But she’s tired so...we get it.

Anyway… That simple call for affection is often answered by knotted soul ties, entangled sexual encounters, and mirages of a love that could quench the desires of our hearts. 

This got kinda deep. And it’s 11:46. I’m talking PM!

Let me go get this Coke, scene.

*Yo, Siri, play CoCo by O.T. Genasis*