Chill Out with Charlie: Mother's Day Blowout

By Charlie Emilia

This millennial content creator, social media geek, part-time healthy person and now first-time mom is back to my original roots as a writer. Formerly a radio show, “Chill Out with Charlie” was a peek into my life and what I had going on. Since leaving the airwaves, my journey has taken an extreme turn. For updates on what’s been happening, sit back and chill out with me as I navigate these new paths in a whole new way.

This past Sunday was my first Mother’s Day with my little Chunkin and it was a good day. This is a weird time for everyone, and a good day does not go unappreciated. There were a lot of mothers wishing each other a happy day and great vibes all around. I think a lot of the feelings of joy and calm came from the residual energy of my birthday celebrations two days prior.

I must say I had a wonderful day filled with quality family time and great food. My partner did a super job at making both days very special and I will remember them very fondly. The effort put in is the type that will stay with me for years to come. It makes me excited to help create similar memories when it’s my turn to plan.

In keeping with the light and fun feelings of the weekend, I wanted to share this response I made to a friend who sent me a meme of a baby who had a blowout. The intention behind the post was supposed to be satirical, but something in my brain is no longer scared of stuff like a baby with an exploded diaper. Here is my response:

Before, I would have just said “give it to my sister”, or “throw the whole baby away”, but now this doesn’t scare me. I’m starting by placing her on a changing pad, rolling whatever part of the onesie is cleanest over to the part with the most poop. Some will be getting on your fingers. Grow up.

You can choose to wash the onesie, but I’m a “dump that mess in the diaper genie” type of mom. It’s coming out the front, so the back is probably miraculously void of poop; maybe only saturated with pee. But the issue lies with the tabs being in the front. If you want to minimise the finger-poop exposure, you can use a clean portion of the rolled up onesie as an assist. Once open, you need to assess the damage in ground zero.

At this point, you can’t even use the diaper to start the cleaning process, you just have to pull out a huge ton of wipes. Chuck the diaper and onesie into the diaper genie and hold the child outstretched away from you as you lead her to a faucet of slightly warm running water. Wipes will not neutralise that scent. This requires intervention from soap and water.

Check the sheets to ensure they’re not soiled, you can’t throw them away, so maybe you will want to save them...or can you? Crib sheets are €10...I am not trying to get that yellow, acid baby crap out of a white sheet; it stains like turmeric. Again, I would chuck that mess!

Using soap and water, wipe down the bedding, which is usually lined with breathable plastic – oxymoron, I know. She’s going to have an attitude, but so can you; and you can articulate better than she can, so drop in a few bigger words, just so you can flex on her with your own brand of neck rolling. Once it’s all cleaned, the scent will linger in your nostrils – but that’s okay, you will still love your baby, and one laugh will give you amnesia of your trauma.

Feel free to follow me on Facebook.com/LikeCharlieEmilia or my Instagram Chvrl13. I’m open to questions, comments and any concerns you may have about your own health. But, please remember I am not a doctor. My column is strictly for entertainment and, although I may try my utmost to give accurate information, it should in no way replace a visit to your healthcare provider.

Until next time, ‘Stay [Home] Safe!’