Dear Queenie,
I was watching a TV show with my boyfriend but he said he didn’t like it and wanted to do something else. I asked him why he didn’t like it but he just wouldn’t talk about it.
We have been together for a couple of years and this is not the first time he has refused to explain something to me when I asked about it.
Queenie, why does he do this?—Confused Girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
There might have been something in the TV show that reminded your boyfriend of something in his past that he would prefer to forget, or he may just have been bored by it and did not care that you were enjoying it.
Your boyfriend seems to be not very good at talking about how he feels about things, and he is not likely to change just because you want him to.
Dear Queenie,
A long-time friend of mine has started using pot and it has changed her a lot. Although her marriage is still good and she is still as good at her job and she still takes good care of her pets, she just isn’t as smart as she used to be.
Queenie, should I say something to her about it?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
People do change as they grow older, and in your friend’s case marijuana may have nothing to do with it. You could mention the change to her and see how she reacts. You could also mention it to her husband in case the change might be due to medical issues and she might need to see her doctor.
Dear Queenie,
My family is never affectionate with each other. I asked my mother why she never hugs me and she said she can’t remember when I ever tried to hug her.
Queenie, why doesn’t my mother understand? Doesn’t she love me?—Unhappy Teenager
Dear Teenager,
I am sure your mother loves you, but she may not know how to show it. She may have been raised in the way she treats you, or her marriage to your father may be so unhappy that she has shut herself down from all kinds of affection.
Try to smile at your mother as much as you can and to hug her more often, and things may get better for you.
Dear Queenie,
I have been married for more than 30 years and these days my wife spends all her time online or visiting her friends and relatives, and when she goes to bed she is so tired that she goes right to sleep. I can’t even remember when is the last time we had sex.
Queenie, could she be cheating on me with someone else?—Frustrated husband
Dear Husband,
If you have been married for more than 30 years your wife has reached the age when women go through menopause, and after menopause women often lose interest in sex – if fact, it often becomes actually painful for them – so I doubt that your wife is cheating on you. She probably is just trying to avoid what may be a painful experience for her.
Talk to your wife about this, and maybe also to her gynaecologist.
Dear Queenie,
I suspect my father has an outside child. He has been privately FaceTiming them (mother and son) and deleted their conversations. I am tempted to ask him but don’t know how.
Queenie, can you give me any ideas about how to ask him?—Uncertain
Dear Uncertain,
You could tell your father you accidentally overheard him talking to these people and ask him who they are without mentioning the fact that he deleted the conversations, but be prepared – he may want to punish you for eavesdropping (which you apparently deserve for snooping – how else could you know that he deleted the conversations?).
