Dear Queenie,
I have stopped inviting my sister to visit me because she brings her children with her and just lets them run wild. Now she is mad at me for not seeing her more often.
Queenie, should I tell her why?—Fed-up aunt
Dear Aunt,
Yes, you should tell her – as gently and diplomatically as possible.
Perhaps you can arrange to have someone there to look after the children when she visits you, or arrange to see her in some place where she cannot bring the children.
Dear Queenie,
We have a fruit tree in our yard and some time ago I told our cleaning lady that she could take some of the ripe fruit. When I looked out I saw her taking a whole bag-full. The next time she was here she took more.
Queenie, my husband says she has been stealing from us. What do you say?—Concerned employer
Dear Concerned,
I say this seems to be a (possibly deliberate) misunderstanding. Each time the cleaning lady comes to your house, tell her whether or not she may take any fruit, and if so, exactly how many she may take. And then watch to see whether she abides by your instructions. If she does not, you will have to tell her explicitly not to take any more fruit.
Dear Queenie,
I was at a funeral and saw someone checking something out on her cell phone. I’ve seen people doing that during a church service too.
Queenie, isn’t that rude of them? Should I say something when I see things like that?—Cell Phone Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You are right that it is rude to do something like that at such a time and place. However, saying anything to these rude people when you see them doing such things would be even more disruptive at such an event, which would be just as rude or even more so.
Keep quiet when you see such things happening, but if you have an opportunity =to speak to the rude person after the event – preferably in (relative) private and certainly as politely as you can manage – you can tell them how disturbing you found their behaviour. And try to allow for the possibility that what they were doing was related to some kind of urgent matter or even an emergency.
Dear Queenie,
When I go to a restaurant and there is food left over I ask for a “doggie bag” to take it home with me.
Queenie, is it okay to do that after a big dinner at a friend’s house?—Leftover Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It is okay to accept the leftovers at a friend’s house if they are offered, but it is not a good idea to ask for them. Your friend might be counting on the leftovers for their next meal.
Dear Queenie,
My parents recently got a water cooler like you see in public places – waiting rooms in doctors’ offices and places like that.
Queenie, what’s the reason for having something like that in your home when you have a fridge in the kitchen? It’s not like they have a lot of people coming and going all the time.—Puzzled Son
Dear Son,
Possibly your parents drink a lot of water and do not want to keep going to the kitchen for it, and the cooler saves them a lot of space in the refrigerator.
You can ask them why, if you want to, but whatever their reason, it is their house and they are the ones living with the cooler – so, cool it, Sonny!
