Dear Queenie,
My brother died from an overdose of drugs and now my husband is going the same way and I don’t know how to help because he doesn’t think he has a problem. I don’t want to see him die like my brother did and most of all I don’t want him to set an example for our children.
Queenie, what can I do?—Addict’s wife
Dear Wife,
Try to get your husband into a substance abuse programme. I should think seeing your brother die from an overdose would at least help you convince him, but if he is in denial – “It can’t happen to me”, “I won’t let it happen to me” – there is not much you can do for him. The most important thing right now is to protect your children from the example he is setting them.
I suggest you get professional counselling as soon as possible to help you decide what to do and to have support in doing it, no matter how unpleasant it may be. I suspect you will have to force your husband to choose between the drugs and his family, and if he chooses the drugs, well, you know what that will mean.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend and I have been living together for a couple of years. Money is short these days and her parents have invited us to live with them for a while, but they are very religious and they expect us not to sleep together because we are not married.
Queenie, we’re both adults and we’ve been together for a long time. Shouldn’t we be able to sleep together?—Boyfriend alone in bed
Dear Boyfriend,
You will be guests in your girlfriend’s parents’ home and you should abide by their rules.
It might be different if you and your girlfriend were married, and possibly if you were going to get married soon. Have you considered that?
Dear Queenie,
My son and his wife got divorced because he had an affair and now she tells all sorts of lies about him – that he abused her and that he still abuses their children who are in her custody and that he has threatened to hurt her, etc, etc.
She even called the police for him and he had to go to court to defend himself. He was found innocent, but the lawyers are costing us a lot.
Queenie, is there anything we can do to protect him?—Worried father
Dear Father,
While you are paying the lawyers for defending him in court you can ask them that question. My guess is that you can take the ex-wife to court for harassment and possibly make her pay some of your son’s court costs. Your lawyers can advise you about your options.
Your son can also look for a divorce support group (probably online these days) and get professional counselling to help him deal with all the stress.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who keeps giving her daughter money because the daughter claims her ex-husband does not pay child support. My friend does not have a lot of money and she can’t really afford to give her daughter so much.
Queenie, is there anything I can do to help my friend?—Concerned
Dear Concerned,
If your friend’s daughter’s ex-husband really is not paying child support, the daughter has legal options that a lawyer or the Court of Guardianship can explain to her.
The best thing you can do is mind your own business. There may be something else going on here that you do not know about.
Dear Queenie,
My son’s wife doesn’t take proper care of their new baby. She will leave the baby on a table while she goes to get a clean diaper, she doesn’t feed the baby according to schedule and she doesn’t dress the baby in warm clothes when it is cold weather or cooler clothes when it is hot weather. My son helps out when he is at home, but he has a full-time job.
Queenie, is there anything I can do without insulting my daughter-in-law?—Worried grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Have you told your son about the things that worry you? If not, you should do so right away.
Perhaps your daughter-in-law would benefit from some classes in parenting. Also, perhaps it could be arranged for the baby to be in day-care when your son is not available to supervise (I am assuming he is a capable father!).
