Dear Queenie,
I’m a middle-age woman who doesn’t like being hugged, especially by non-relatives, but I have one friend who always hugs everybody when she meets up with them. I’ve asked her not to, I even told her it hurts my back, but she still does it, even with all the COVID social distancing.
Queenie, how can I get her to stop?—Fed-up friend
Dear Friend,
Your friend seems rather self-involved and disinterested in other people’s feelings. When she comes toward you for a hug, put out your hand to stop her and remind her about COVID social distancing. It might also help if you have something heavy and/or sharp in your hand when you hold it out. And if she still tries to hug you, cry out in pain and tell her – loudly – that she is hurting you.
Dear Queenie,
The other day I met up with a man I used to be in high school with. He said “hello” and reminded me who he was, and told me he always remembered me because I was the only girl who danced with him on Prom Night, which I had totally forgotten about.
Queenie, wasn’t that nice of him? I thought I’d share it with you and your other readers.—Faithful reader
Dear Faithful reader,
It is always nice to hear from someone who is not seeking help for a problem.
Your letter proves that even a small act of kindness or friendliness does not go unnoticed and is not a wasted effort.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who is always asking to borrow money, but doesn’t pay it back unless I ask her for it, which I don’t like to do, but I don’t like to say “no” to her when she needs my help.
Queenie, what do you have to say about all this?—Not made of money
Dear Not made of money,
Are you certain your friend needs help, or does she just think you are a soft touch?
When she asks for a loan, tell her you are sorry, but you are short of cash yourself, and ask if there is any other way you can help her.
And do not feel embarrassed to ask for her help if/when you need it. Turn about is fair play.
Dear Queenie,
Both my husband’s parents and mine have small businesses and both of them have offered my husband a job. My parents say they will not have anything to do with us if he takes the job from his parents.
His parents are making a much better offer, but I don’t want to be cut off from my family.
Queenie, what should we do?—Unemployed
Dear Unemployed,
Your parents are trying to cut you and your husband off from his family. What other aspects of your lives will they try to control if you depend on them for your income?
By all means, take the better job offer, and try to stay in touch with your siblings, if you have any, in spite of your parents’ attempts to cut you off. Hopefully, your parents eventually will realise that they are only punishing themselves.
Dear Queenie,
A long time ago I told my husband he didn’t need to give me a gift on my birthday because I knew how much he didn’t like trying to figure out what I might like to get. I didn’t mean he should forget my birthday entirely but that’s what he has done. At least he should remember to say “Happy birthday” and maybe take me out to dinner.
I always remember his birthday, not with a gift but with a special dinner and a birthday cake.
Queenie, am I asking too much of him?—Insulted wife
Dear Wife,
No, you are not asking too much, but it is possible your husband misunderstood what you told him so long ago.
From now on, remind him well in advance that your birthday is coming up and tell him how you would like to celebrate. Tell him you do not like surprises and keep asking him how he is planning to celebrate with you. If that does not do the trick, make your own arrangements to celebrate at your favourite restaurant, and when they bring the bill hand it to him.
