Dear Queenie,
I am a grown woman, happily married, with children. Sometimes when I am running errands a man I am dealing with will call me “dear”. It even happened a couple of times at a doctor’s appointment. I find this inappropriate and even embarrassing.
Queenie, what is the best way to reply to this?—“Dear” Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Sometimes people (not just men) call someone “dear” out of force of habit, or because they cannot remember the other person’s name. If it really bothers you, tell them – gently, politely! – “My name is (whatever),” and repeat as necessary.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been going together for several years and we are starting to think about getting a place of our own and living together. We both have jobs and we think we can afford it. But when I told my mother what we are thinking about, she said it would change my relationship with her.
Queenie, I don’t want to hurt her, but I want to live my own life. What do you have to say about all this?—Mom’s only child
Dear Only child,
Your mother may be afraid of losing the special relationship she has with you. Has she met your boyfriend? If not, introduce them and give her a chance to consider that if you live with him she will not be losing a daughter but gaining a “son-out-of-law”.
However, your mother also may have religious objections to your living with a man “out of wedlock”. That is a very special consideration about which I cannot advise you.
Dear Queenie,
My sister and her boyfriend are not married but they have been living together for a long time. A couple of times when she was not around he has kissed me like lovers do. I just pushed him away and didn’t say anything to my sister about it. The last time it happened he also grabbed my breast and I got mad and told him to just leave me alone.
Recently he called me and said he was coming over to do some repairs I needed. I told him not to bother, he is not welcome in my house without my sister. He apologized and asked me to forgive him.
Queenie, should I tell my sister about all of this?—Angry sister
Dear Sister,
You should have told this guy off the first time he made a pass at you. Your not doing so led him to believe his advances were, at the very least, not unwelcome. Now he knows better, and hopefully will behave better.
However, you are going to have to decide whether to tell your sister about the way her boyfriend behaves when she is not around, and how you know about it.
Dear Queenie,
My husband used to abuse me so I divorced him and went back to live with my parents. I am getting counselling for the mental effect this has had on me, but my mother doesn’t understand why I need counselling. She thinks if it’s over and done with and you don’t talk about it there’s no problem.
Queenie, how can I make her understand about the mental after-effects of my husband’s abuse?—Ex-victim
Dear Ex-victim,
Your mother may be one of those people who think you should be ashamed of having to get help for your mental problems. Perhaps she can go with you to a counselling session and the counsellor can explain why these sessions are so important for you.
Dear Queenie,
Why does someone who goes alone to an event have to pay more to get in than someone who has a date? I sometimes see them charge something like $25 for a single ticket but $40 for a couple.
Queenie, why don’t they charge the same for everyone? Do you think this is fair?—Just wondering
Dear Just wondering,
Did you ever hear the expression “cheaper by the dozen”? It is the same logic as buying in bulk at the supermarket. The idea is to sell as many tickets as they can. And at the kind of event you are thinking of, there is another pertinent expression: “the more the merrier”, meaning when more people attend everyone has more fun (including the organisers, who will raise more money).
