Dear Queenie,
I’ve tried to get my mother to stop drinking because she spends most of her money on her drinks but she gets mad and tells me I can’t tell her how to spend her money.
I try to look after my little brothers and sisters and I make some money babysitting but I can’t do it all myself.
Queenie, should I keep talking to my mother or just leave her alone? And where can I get some help?—Drunk’s teenage daughter
Dear Daughter,
There is nothing you can do about your mother’s drinking until she is willing to admit that it is a problem. However, you can get some help for yourself from Al-Anon and/or Alateen (al-anon.org or al-anon.alateen.org).
You should also talk to an adult you trust and ask them to help you get in touch with your local social services to help you get proper care for yourself and your younger siblings.
Dear Queenie,
Some time ago a friend told me she was molested when she was a child and I told her I know how she felt because it happened to me too when I was young. Now I have found out that she told some other people we know that I slept around, but she didn’t explain that it was when I was a child and that I was the victim of the ones who molested me.
Queenie, should I explain the truth when the subject comes up? And how do I deal with this woman who told them all this?—Victim again
Dear Victim again,
When the subject comes up, tell people the truth about what happened to you long ago.
You might also mention that when you told your friend about it you had no idea she would talk about it to anyone else. And do not ever again talk to that friend about anything you want kept confidential – that is, if you do not decide to end the friendship altogether.
Dear Queenie,
When we get dressed up to go out, is it stylish or vulgar for my husband to wear a tie that matches the color of my dress?—Fashion Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Some people think it is charming and others think it is tasteless. There is no rule of etiquette about this and it is a minor matter. Do what pleases you and do not worry about what others will think.
Dear Queenie,
I get together once a week with a group of other women who are my friends since we were kids. Some of them who are married always bring their husbands along. I have nothing against their husbands, but I don’t understand why some women can’t do anything without their husbands.
Queenie, can you tell me why this is?—Middle-aged spinster
Dear Spinster,
Your friends may think you enjoy their husbands’ company. Or, if their husbands are retired, they may not have any social life without their wives. Or, if a husband is a “control freak” he may not allow his wife to go anywhere without him.
Why not ask these women why they do this, and suggest to them that you would prefer a “women only” outing at least once in a while?
Dear Queenie,
It hurts my feelings when my son calls his wife’s father “Dad”. I’m his “Dad”, I raised him and worked hard to support my family, and I never called my father-in-law “Dad”.
Queenie, that name was just for my father who raised me.—Annoyed father
Dear Father,
Many people who feel close to their in-laws call them by the same names as they call their own parents. Be glad your son has such a good relationship with his father-in-law. However, because it bothers you so much, ask your son if he could call his father-in-law by another name – something like “Papa Smith”, for example – at least when you are all together, so it is clear which one of you he is speaking or referring to.
