Dear Queenie,

  My husband and his previous wife have joint custody of their children. When they are with him they pester me all the time wanting to sit on my lap or show me something or tell me something or settle an argument they have.

  Sometimes they’re cute and we have fun, but not always.

  Queenie, will it always be like this? I don’t know how much I can take!—Harassed second wife

Dear Second wife,

  Face it, you are the children’s stepmother and they are treating you like a (second) mother. Actually, it is quite a compliment.

  Try to arrange to deal with the children one at a time while your husband, their father, spends time with the others.

  And be patient. As the children grow older they will develop outside interests and will want to spend less time with their parents. When that time comes you may even find that you miss them.

Dear Queenie,

  My husband died a few years go – on my birthday, of all days! Since then I do not feel like celebrating on that day, but a lot of my friends and relatives still send me cards and gifts.

  Queenie, I don’t want to be rude to them, but how can I get them to stop?—Unhappy birthday girl.

Dear Unhappy,

  Thank them for their good wishes and explain to them, as you have to me, why you no longer feel like celebrating your birthday.

  If you can think of a day that makes you feel happy – or at least, not unhappy; perhaps some public holiday? – suggest celebrating on that day instead.

Dear Queenie,

  I’ve been divorced twice and now I’m seeing a married man whose wife is very sick. The way he takes care of her is what got me interested in him to begin with.

  I don’t want him to choose me over her and I’ve tried to break up with him but he always convinces me not to.

  Queenie, I feel like he is just waiting for his wife to die and for me to replace her. What should I do?—The byside

Dear Byside,

  You are correct in your feeling that this man is waiting for his wife to die and for you to replace her. But what if she gets well instead?

  You would be better off finding a man who does not have any other commitment and can devote himself entirely – and hopefully for the rest of your life – to you.

Dear Queenie,

  I have a neighbor who comes over whenever she sees I have company and wants to join in. She also comes over sometimes when I am busy doing something and wants to just sit down and visit.

  Queenie, I don’t mind once in a while when I’m not busy, but this is just too much!—Harassed

Dear Harassed,

  Your neighbour is apparently lonely, and either rude or just not very smart.

  When you are not willing to visit with her, tell her you are too busy to visit with her just then and do not let her get past your door. If you are feeling – charitable? – give her a time when she can come back and visit with you.