Dear Queenie,
My husband still keeps in close contact with his first wife. I can understand that he keeps in touch because they have children together, but I think this is too much. He calls her almost every day, but he doesn’t tell me what they talk about, and he buys her gifts on her birthday and Mothers’ Day and Christmas and he loaned her money to buy a new car and he never told me about any of this (I won’t tell you how I came to find out).
Queenie, isn’t this more than a little bit too much?—His new wife

Dear New Wife,
Yes, this is too much, especially because your husband did not tell you what he was doing. Ask him why he does all these things for his ex-wife, and especially why he did not tell you about any of it. And if he does not have some really good answers for you, I would recommend marriage counselling for the two of you.
Please note: If says he thought this behaviour would make you jealous, that answer is not good enough.

Dear Queenie,
A few years after my father died my mother was very ill for a few weeks. She recovered completely, according to her doctors, but now she thinks she is an invalid and needs someone to take care of her all the time and there isn’t anyone but me to do it.
I work full-time and when I get home I have to take care of her and the house and I don’t have the time or the strength for anything else.
And Queenie, what will happen to my mother if anything happens to me?—Exhausted daughter

Dear Daughter,
There must be some service organisations in your community that could offer you some help – day care for your mother at the very least, and perhaps even a senior citizens home where she could live full-time and you could visit her as much as you are able.
I am sure your mother’s doctors could help you find the help you need.

Dear Queenie,
I have invited some friends to my home several times for a meal – not a fancy dinner, just a casual lunch or supper – and they seem to have enjoyed it. One or two of them said we should do it more often, but none of them has offered to do it at their house.
Queenie, shouldn’t they be taking their turn?—Entertainment Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,
Yes, of course they should, but these days many people do not understand the rules of etiquette, or just do not take the trouble to observe them. It could also be that some of them do not have the facilities to entertain guests, or are embarrassed to do so.
From now on, entertain at home only the people who do as much for you. You can get together with the others elsewhere; for instance, at a restaurant (and asking for separate bills would not be rude).

Dear Queenie,
Ever since my best friend’s mother died, which was more than 10 years ago, he has stopped having any social life. When we try to make plans to do something with him he always has an excuse why he can’t get involved, or he goes along with the plans and then cancels out when the time comes for whatever it is.
I understand his grief, but he is still young and he can’t stay in mourning the rest of his life.
Queenie, is there any way I can help him get on with his life?—Worried friend

Dear Friend,
If your friend has been in mourning for his mother for more than 10 years, he needs professional help, not to “get over it” but to learn to deal with the loss and way it has made him feel.
If you can persuade him to get professional counselling to deal with his loss, you will be doing him a big favour.