Dear Queenie,
My grandson is almost 30 but he still lives with his parents. He has lost several jobs because he drinks too much, even during working hours, but his parents don’t say anything to him about his drinking and won’t let me say anything either.
Queenie, I’m worried that his drinking may cause him to have medical problems if we don’t do anything about it. What do you suggest?—Worried grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Sometimes people drink because of psychological problems they cannot cope with, and you are right, the drinking can lead to physical problems also. But it is difficult to help them if they will not admit they have a problem and are not willing to be helped.
You can contact Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) for information and support, and if you can get your grandson to talk to his doctor about any other problems he has, the doctor may be able to help him too.
Dear Queenie,
When I some friends visited me at home they brought their children with them and the kids just ran around and made a mess of our house. They bounced on chairs and the sofa and threw things around and spilled food all over, not just by the table. It took us hours to clean up after they left and for sure we won’t invite them into our house again.
But Queenie, what should we do if something like this happens another time?—Angry hosts
Dear Hosts,
In a case like this, if the parents do not control their children, it is okay to tell the children, “We do not do that in our house!” and ask their parents (several times, if necessary, and as politely as you can manage!) to please keep an eye on their kids.
If you can, and have space for it, give the children some toys to play with or a TV programme to watch, and if that does not work you can ask the parents to take their children home because they cannot settle down quietly.
And if you ever want to invite their parents again, be sure to specify that the invitation is “adults only”, they should not bring their children with them.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine at school smokes marijuana during the lunch hour. He knows I know and he made me promise to keep it a secret. He says he is depressed and doing this makes him feel better.
Queenie, should I break my promise and tell someone, and who should I tell?—Worried friend
Dear Friend,
What your friend is doing is not the best way to deal with depression, and I am surprised that none of your friend’s teachers or any school authorities have noticed what your friend is doing.
Tell the school counsellor or a teacher you trust about his depression and hopefully in dealing with his depression they will also deal with his use of an illegal substance before the latter gets him into legal trouble.
Dear Queenie,
Ever since our daughter graduated from college and moved out of our house my wife has been filling her room with all sorts of stuff – clothes, papers, stuff she buys at yard sales or online. Now the room is so full you can hardly move around in it and we have even rented a storage locker.
She will never sort through all that stuff. She promises to do it, but she always has something else to do and never gets around to it.
Queenie, I am thinking about throwing out some of the stuff the next time she goes to visit our daughter, but then what would my wife do?—Fed-up husband
Dear Husband,
Your wife’s hoarding may have been triggered by the stress of having your daughter “leave the nest” and she probably could benefit from professional treatment for her behaviour. Your family doctor can refer you to a counsellor.
Meanwhile, it would not be a good idea to just start “throwing out some of the stuff” she has accumulated.
Dear Queenie,
My teenage daughter still calls me “Mommy”. Her brother is a couple of years older and he calls me “Mom”.
Queenie, isn’t it time my daughter starts calling me “Mom” too?—Mother of two
Dear Mother,
I do not think it matters much what your daughter calls you as long as she does it respectfully. If it really bothers you, speak to her about it, but do not make it a serious issue.
