Dear Queenie,
My mother just told me that she and my father are thinking about getting divorced.
Queenie, how will I choose who I’m going to live with? And whichever one I choose, how will I get to see the other one and the other grandparents?—Confused child
Dear Child,
Your mother should not have talked to you about all this until she and your father had settled matters between them, which would include who would have custody and visitation rights for the non-custodial parent.
Talk to your parents about all this, and remember that, from what you say, none of this is definite yet and your parents may still work things out between them.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I have lived in the same neighborhood for a long time and recently some new people moved in, the first time this has happened since we lived here. They seem to be nice people, but I haven’t met them yet and things have been very busy at their house with all the moving in.
Queenie, what’s a good way to meet them? Should I go over there and welcome them to the neighborhood? Should I bring them some kind of treat?—New neighbor Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Yes, by all means, go over there and introduce yourself. You could bring them some kind of small treat and offer to recommend the best places to shop and the best servicepeople in your area.
Dear Queenie,
My fiance and I are planning our wedding. His best friend was supposed to be his best man, but he has been arrested for killing someone we all knew and his trial won’t be finished before the wedding, but I suppose he will be out on bail.
Queenie, should this guy still be in the wedding party as best man? Should we even still have him at the wedding at all? We don’t want to just shut him out of our lives, but having him there would upset our other guests.—Wedding Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Remember, your friend is “innocent until proven guilty”, so I do not think you should un-invite him to your wedding. However, having him in the wedding party and up front when you are at the altar taking your vows would distract your other guests from what is happening with you and your bridegroom, so I think it would be better to replace him as best man.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I want to start having children, but he is taking some medicines for a condition he has and I’m afraid the medicines he takes might have an effect on the baby when it is conceived.
Queenie, shouldn’t he stop taking those medicines while we are trying to get me pregnant?—Mother-to-be (I hope!)
Dear Mother-to-be,
You are right to be concerned. To start with, consult the doctor who prescribed your husband’s medications.
If possible, your husband should stop taking those medicines several months before you try to get pregnant, to be sure his sperm are medication-free, because that is how long some substances can last in a man’s sperm.
Dear Queenie,
I have 2 children whose birthdays are just a day apart – the younger one was born the day before his brother’s 3rd birthday. The younger one just recently had his first birthday, but no one in our family called or sent a gift. The next day some of them called the older one for his birthday, but they didn’t say anything about the other one’s birthday the day before and no one sent either of them any gift.
Queenie, I don’t care about the gifts because they are still so young, but couldn’t they at least have called each of them to wish them “happy birthday”?—Angry Mommy
Dear Mommy,
Children whose birthdays come at the same time or at holiday time often get less attention than you would expect. Your older child is able to talk on the phone and understand what the call is all about, but the younger one is still not able to do so, which is why they did not call him on his day, but the ones who called the older child should have mentioned the younger one’s birthday at least in passing.
