Dear Queenie,
There are some members of my family who never can remember everyone’s birthday or other special occasions.
Queenie, how can I get them to remember such things without having to nag them about it?—Fed-up relative
Dear Fed-up relative,
Whenever you have occasion to give these people a gift, include a calendar on which you have marked all the special occasions you want them to remember, with the name(s) of the person(s) involved. Then they will probably remember, and if they do not they will have no excuse for forgetting.
Dear Queenie,
When I invite my family to my house for dinner there is one person who always brings an extra person I didn’t expect. Then I have a problem finding a place for them at the table and having enough food for everybody.
When I invite them I always ask them to let me know ahead of time whether they are coming and how many of them are coming, but there is always a surprise guest.
Queenie, what am I supposed to do?—Fed-up Hostess
Dear Hostess,
Make sure when you invite these people that you ask them to let you know whether they are coming and how many of them are coming. Then set up a table for the number people you expect. If (when) there are extra guests, make a production of setting up an extra table (as far as possible from the expected guests) and seat them and the person(s) who brought them at that extra table.
And always prepare enough food to provide for unexpected guests. If you are surprised to find no one has brought anyone extra, at least you will have plenty for those who came – and probably enough leftovers for the next day or so.
Dear Queenie, A friend of mine has been separated from her husband for many years. They have not lived together for all that time but they never got legally divorced. For the last couple of years she has been dating another man and he has asked her to marry him and he even gave her an engagement ring. Queenie, can she be “engaged” to one man if she is still married to someone else?—Confused friend Dear Confused friend, Technically you are correct, but it is up to your friend to sort out her legal status. Leave it up to her to do so and meanwhile, for the sake of your friendship, do not argue with her about it.
Dear Queenie,
I’m in my 50s and I’ve fallen in love with a man who is in his 30s, but he says he just wants us to be friends.
Queenie, I really love him and I don’t want to lose him. Should I tell him how I feel? Should I ask him if there is any other woman in his life?—Middle-aged girlfriend
Dear Middle-aged girlfriend,
A man who says he “just wants to be friends” means what he says and has no romantic interest in you. It does not matter whether he has any other woman in his life.
If you are content to remain “just friends” with him that is all well and good, but if you want more from him, forget it, however difficult that may be for you.
Dear Queenie,
I have been living with my parents because I had some health issues and as I have been getting better I have been helping them around the house, but now I have been offered a good job that will require me to live some distance from them and they want me to stay with them because now they are getting older they have their own health problems and need my help.
Queenie, what do you think I should do?—Concerned daughter
Dear Daughter,
If you cannot find just as good a job that will let you continue to live with your parents, perhaps you can help by paying for someone to do the work around their house that you have been doing, and who will give them some of the other (health) care they will need.
