Dear Queenie,
Several years ago when I got married I asked my cousin to be a bridesmaid. We were never very close, but I needed one more bridesmaid to make the wedding party come out even. She never showed up for the fitting of the bridesmaid gowns, so I found someone else to take her place.
Now I have received an invitation to her wedding. It was addressed to me alone and when I asked her what about my husband she said no boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands or wives were invited because the dinner costs $100 per person and they couldn’t afford it.
Queenie, is this correct? Do I have to go without my husband?—Angry wife
Dear Angry wife,
No, it is absolutely not correct! Unlike boyfriends and girlfriends, a married couple are officially considered to be a unit and it is against the rules of etiquette to invite one spouse and leave the other out. Your cousin is either extremely ignorant or extremely rude.
You are not required to attend your cousin’s wedding at all, with or without your husband. Decline her invitation politely, with or without an explanation as you prefer, and send a token gift if you like. However, if you are not going to the wedding, you don’t even have to send a gift if you don’t want to.
Dear Queenie,
I am a widow going into a new relationship with a man who is a widower and we might even end up living together.
Queenie, if that happens, what do we do about our pictures from our marriages, with our previous spouses and our children?—Second chance
Dear Second chance,
Talk this over with your new partner. He may have the same question in mind.
If he agrees with displaying pictures from your previous relationships, all well and good. However, if he does not, perhaps you should each pass along the old pictures to your children and start a new collection together.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have decided to not drink alcohol, for health reasons and because we have seen how some people behave when they drink too much and we don’t ever want to be like that. However, some of our family do not include us in their social events because they know we will not join in on the alcohol drinking and they think we will spoil their fun.
Queenie, how do we deal with this attitude?—Sober couple
Dear Sober couple,
Do not make an issue of the fact that you do not drink alcohol. Do not discuss it with your relatives, just say “No, thanks” when they offer you an alcoholic drink. Invite them to occasional gatherings at your home and ask to be included in theirs.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend has a problem with the fact that I have dated women from different racial and ethnic groups. She says it’s disgusting.
Queenie, everything else about our relationship is just great. Can we get past this and make things work out between us?—Worried boyfriend
Dear Boyfriend,
A person who was raised with that kind of attitude will probably find it very difficult, if not impossible, to change. If she is willing to try, give her a chance and hope for the best, but if she is not even willing to try, let her go and forget about her.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter and her boyfriend don’t believe in God and they got angry when I asked them to let me bless their child, my granddaughter. Now they won’t even let me see my granddaughter.
Queenie, what can I do about this?—Grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Deeply religious people often do not understand how much their religious demands offend people who do not share their beliefs. If you want to have a relationship with your granddaughter you will have to convince your daughter and her boyfriend that you will not do anything to impose your beliefs on their child.
