Dear Queenie,
My wife always has her cell phone with her and uses it everywhere, even when she goes to the bathroom and I can hear everything she is doing.
Queenie, what do you think about this? Should I say something to her about it?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
Yes, tell her what you think about it. And if she is in the bathroom when you are talking to her on the phone and you hear something that offends you, hang up. Later, when (if) she asks you why you did that, explain it to her.
Dear Queenie,
I’m 16 and most of my friends have boyfriends and most of them go very far with their boyfriends, if you know what I mean, but I don’t feel ready for anything like that, so I don’t have a boyfriend because I can’t find one who doesn’t want to go too far.
Queenie, I don’t want to talk to my mother about this. What can you tell me?—Teenage girl
Dear Teenager,
It’s too bad you cannot talk to your mother about this, because she probably could be very helpful.
When a boy asks you to do something you do not want to do, you can always say “No” loud and clear and walk away if he does not stop whatever he is doing. You will quickly get a reputation for having that kind of attitude and probably (hopefully!) will not attract the kind of boy who would make you say “No”.
Dear Queenie,
We went away to university when we were younger. Some of our friends from those days recently came to live near us. They still want to be friends, but we don’t, but we don’t want to hurt their feelings.
Queenie, what can we do?—All Grown Up Now
Dear Grown Up,
These people may have assumed they could renew their friendship with you when they moved nearby, and will keep it up until they find other, new friends.
Keep in limited contact with them, introduce them to as many other acquaintances as you can, and put them in contact with local social groups that share their interests. As they settle in and become acquainted they will depend less on you for social contact.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been divorced for a long time and my ex-wife has gotten married again. We have a teenage son who lives with his mother and her new husband.
When it’s time to get his mother a gift, like her birthday or Christmas, my son comes to me for help choosing and paying for it. I want him to get her a gift and be happy about it, but I don’t think I should be involved.
Queenie, what do you think?—Ex-husband
Dear Ex-husband,
I think your son, as a teenager, probably gets an allowance or gets paid for doing chores around the house. He should be able to ask his stepfather for help choosing a gift for his mother, the man’s wife, and to ask whoever pays his allowance for financial help.
Dear Queenie,
My wife and I have been married for more than 20 years and our only problem is her mother. She calls my wife every Sunday to talk to her for a couple of hours.
I want us to have the weekends alone together, maybe sometimes take a trip somewhere, but there has to be this phone call from her mother, even if we go away. I even got a job where I work on Sunday so I would have something to do when they are busy with each other, but her mother started calling during the week too.
And now my father-in-law is dying from cancer, so her mother has serious problems and calls more often and talks even longer.
Queenie, do you have any suggestions?—Fed-up husband
Dear Husband,
Try to be kind and considerate to your mother-in-law during this difficult time she is going through. You could phone or even visit her, and maybe run an errand or two and/or stay with your father-in-law for a while to give her a break. But your wife has chosen not to put a limit on her phone calls, and that is not likely to change, especially now.
