Dear Queenie,
My wife doesn’t do well at events where there are a lot of people. She just doesn’t understand what people are saying. She tries to listen, but you can tell from what she says that she just doesn’t understand the conversation. It’s embarrassing when it happens and a lot of people just turn away from her and they don’t invite her back again.
Queenie, I tried to talk to her about all this, but she just got mad and said I was trying to pick a fight. What more can I do?—Embarrassed husband
Dear Husband,
Does your wife just not understand the language, or does she have poor hearing or a mental or emotional problem? If it is any of the latter three possibilities, she should see a medical or psychological specialist for help. And you should not expect her to attend events with you that she will not be able to enjoy.
Dear Queenie,
My sister was a lot older than me and we never had a close relationship. When we grew up we lived in different places, far apart from each other, and only saw each other at family events like weddings.
When she died I was the only living member of her close family (parents, 2 brothers and me, she didn’t have any children) so I am the one who has to take care of everything she left behind, including the diaries she kept over the years.
Queenie, is it okay for me to read them? I can finally get to know her.—Bereaved sister
Dear Sister,
My condolences on your loss.
I think it would be good for you to read your sister’s diaries. It is sad that you did not get to know her well while she was still living, but at least now you will find out what your sister was really like and what you missed out on by not knowing her better.
Dear Queenie,
A long time ago I did something that offended someone I cared about and since then they have refused to have any contact with me.
Queenie, I would like to tell them how sorry I am for what I did. Would it be okay to get in touch with them for that?—Remorseful
Dear Remorseful,
It might make you feel better to get in touch and apologise, but if whatever happened was so serious that you were shut out of their life it might make the other person unhappy to have to remember what happened. Try to find a way to forgive yourself, but do not bother the other person.
Dear Queenie,
Someone I know speaks with an accent and when I asked where they came from they got upset and refused to answer.
Queenie, did I do something wrong?—Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Possibly the person is self-conscious about the way they speak your language, or they may have had problems where they came from or been discriminated against because of their origins. If they are still upset about your question, you can apologise for upsetting them and do not bring the subject up again.
Dear Queenie,
My husband has a habit of being late for everything we plan to do. When it’s just us it’s not a problem, but when we’re late for a special event or something like the Sunday church service, everybody is watching us when we come in and I know we are disturbing them from what is supposed to be going on.
Queenie, how can I get him to be on time?—Fed-up wife
Dear Wife,
Some people have difficulty organising themselves, but some people like arriving late because they like the attention they get when they arrive.
If you cannot get your husband to be ready to go in time to get wherever you are going on time, go ahead without him (be sure to arrange transportation for him to get there whenever he is ready) and save a place for him for when he eventually arrives.
