Dear Queenie,
Some of my relatives are very much overweight – I mean FAT FAT FAT! It has happened that when they visited us the chairs they sat on were damaged so badly they had to be repaired or even replaced, but they never seem to notice, let alone offer to pay for the damage (the chairs weren’t cheap ones!). They could even get hurt if a chair collapsed under their weight.
Queenie, how do we protect them and our furniture without offending them?—Worried hostess
Dear Hostess,
I suggest you invest in some extra-sturdy chairs for these people to use when they visit you. Tell them you bought the chairs especially for them so they would be as comfortable as possible.
If they catch on to what you really mean and get vexed, that is their problem, not yours. It is only good manners to cater to your guests’ special needs and if they do not like having attention drawn to their “special need” perhaps they should try to do something about it (if they can – it could be a symptom of some medical problem you do not know about. But as I said ...).
Dear Queenie,
My wife likes to lie on the floor when she is watching TV or just cooling out. She says it is cool and hard and soothing to her back.
We have perfectly nice expensive furniture she could use and it would be embarrassing if someone dropped in and found her like that. They might even think she was sick or something and call 911.
Queenie, what can I do to convince her to behave better?—Worried husband
Dear Worried,
What can I do to convince you to listen to your wife and have more consideration for her feelings?
If she is more comfortable on the floor perhaps it is because she has problems with her back and your expensive furniture is too soft and does not give her the support her back requires. A visit to your family doctor or a chiropractor might be in order.
Dear Queenie,
Recently my teenage nephew stayed with us for a few days while his parents were away. After he left I discovered that he had been going to free porn sites and chat room on my computer. By doing this he risked infecting my computer with a virus and I don’t like the idea of him looking at porn.
Queenie, should I talk to him or to his parents, or should I just lock up my computer when he is around?—Worried aunt
Dear Worried,
All of the above.
You must protect your computer, you should explain to your nephew the risk he was taking with it, and you should warn his parents about his interest in pornography.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter is in high school and she has a lot of friends and a busy social life, but her grades are terrible. I have tried to talk to her about this, but she insists that as long as she is passing her courses the actual grades don’t matter. I also have reason to believe that she has been passing her tests by cheating.
The only test she seems to care about is the test for her driver’s licence.
Queenie, how can I get through to her?—Worried dad
Dear Worried dad,
To start with, you can tell your daughter that you will not let her take the driving test until her grades improve. You also might check with your insurance company to find out whether your daughter’s grades will affect her (your) insurance rates.
Also, make it clear to her that once she is out of school she is on her own financially and ask her how she intends to support herself. Then make an appointment with a college admissions office and/or an employment office and have the interviewer explain to her what kind of job she can expect to get with that kind of grade record.
Finally, you might want to have her tested for a possible learning disability.
Dear Queenie,
I recently discovered that a family member of my daughter’s best friend has a history of child molestation. We have often let our daughter play at her friend’s house and I am very angry that those parents did not warn us about the danger my daughter would be in at their house.
Queenie, should we report them to the police?—Angry father
Dear Angry father,
It is not uncommon for relatives of a paedophile to be in denial about his or her predilections, or to try to cover them up. And if your daughter has not actually been molested, I am not sure just what you have to report.
However, you are quite right to be concerned about her safety. I suggest you do not let her visit her friend’s house anymore, but arrange for them to play together at your house or somewhere where they will be closely supervised and protected from this predator.
