Dear Queenie,
Both of my parents are dead and us children have put the family home up for sale. While cleaning things out I discovered a box of love letters between them that they wrote each other during the time they were apart at different universities.
Queenie, should I keep these letters or destroy them to preserve my parents’ privacy?—Undecided daughter
Dear Undecided,
If you feel it would be an intrusion on your parents’ privacy do not read the letters, but by all means keep them. They are a valuable part of your family’s history and one day their grandchildren (or even yours) will want to know more about the couple who wrote them. When that time comes, will those descendants even understand what a letter was? Or will all their correspondence be lost somewhere in cyberspace?
Dear Queenie,
I divorced my first husband because I found out he cheated on me. Now I’m married again and I’m terrified the same thing might happen again. He works in an office with several other people and a couple of them are women and I keep thinking he might be up to something with one of them even though I know that he isn’t, but I keep thinking it might still happen.
Queenie, how can I learn to trust him?—Frightened wife
Dear Wife,
I hope your husband understands how you feel and why you feel this way, and is doing everything he can to reassure you. However, you both probably would benefit from professional counselling – separately and together.
Yes, dear readers, I know this is an old, old song, but the reason the “oldies” are “goldies” is because of the truth they contain.
Dear Queenie,
There is a group of kids my son plays with that all except my son were invited to a birthday party by one of them.
Queenie, what can I say to make my son feel better?
—Sad dad
Dear Dad,
Did the children receive written invitations? If so, is it possible that your son’s invitation got lost somehow? If you are on good terms with the other child’s parents, you could ask them about it. If your son was deliberately left out, you might ask yourself “why?” Does he play too roughly or rudely with other children? Is he a bully? On the other hand, if it was just a matter of the other child not liking your son, well, you will have to explain to him that sometimes there are disappointments in life and he will have to learn to cope with them. You might also plan something else special for him on the day of the party, to take his mind off it.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter’s first husband walked out on her when their kids were just old enough to miss him. After a while she got married again and he was a great stepfather to her kids, but now they are breaking up too and the children can’t understand why their daddies keep deserting them.
Queenie, how can I make them understand that this isn’t their fault?—Worried grandma
Dear Grandma,
You can try to explain that sometimes grownups just cannot manage to live together and get along with each other and it has nothing to do with their children. If you are still in touch with their stepfather you can ask him to also try to explain this to them. And professional counselling probably would help too.
Dear Queenie,
Our daughter-in-law is just too rude. When we visit them she will eat and drink in front of us but she never offers us anything to eat or drink. When they visit us she sits and watches TV or reads a book and never once tries to help out with the housework or the cooking or cleaning up afterward.
I don’t want to make a fuss about all this because I’m afraid she will cut us off from seeing our grandchildren, but it’s just too disgusting.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Angry mother-in-law
Dear Mother-in-law,
It is possible your daughter-in-law was raised in a family where everyone spoke out clearly when they wanted something – food, beverage, help of any kind – and because you do not speak up she assumes you are happy with the way things are. And is it also possible that you were raised to wait for such to be offered rather than to ask for what you want?
If that is what is happening here, you have a serious case of “culture clash” and will have to find a way to resolve it. None of you are mind-readers, of course, so someone will have to learn to speak up, and how and when to do so without offending the others.
I suggest you talk this over with your son in private and give him a chance to discuss this with his wife and then work out with her and with you – probably separately – how you all can learn to communicate with each other better.
