Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has really bad breath. Sometimes it’s so bad you can’t even talk to her because of the smell. She doesn’t have much success with boys and I think it’s because of her bad breath.
I want to tell her about it but I don’t want to make her mad at me.
Queenie, how do you tell somebody something like that?—Holding my nose
Dear Holding my nose,
A looooong time ago there used to be a television commercial for toothpaste that said, “Even your best friend won’t tell you (that you have bad breath)!” I always thought that if someone was really your friend, they would tell you so you would know to do something about it. And of course, the same thing applies to body odour and smelly feet.
How to go about it? Well, that depends on the kind of person your friend is and how close you are to her.
You could take a deep breath and tell her straight out. Then sit down with her and try to figure out why her breath is so bad and what she can do about it. Possible causes could be tooth decay, poor oral hygiene, a diet that includes smelly foods like garlic, a medical problem, smoking, or a combination of several of the above.
A visit to the dentist and/or doctor will help her to determine the cause, and the practitioner will be able to make suggestions as to ways to combat the problem.
And if she smokes, stopping smoking will both help sweeten her breath and help make her more aware of her problem. It’s a fact: As well as fouling the smoker’s breath, smoking deadens the senses of smell and taste. If she is a smoker she probably is totally unaware of how foul her breath smells to others.
Dear Queenie,
I like a guy, but I didn’t really tell him how I actually feel about him. Every time I try to, I get lost in words or he ignores it. I know that he knows and that he doesn’t really want anything to do with my feelings for him. I am kind of okay with that.
In the meantime, I try very hard to forget what I would like from him or how I would want him to act. I am not trying to change him. I really need to accept our friendship the way it is without my romantic feelings getting involved every time. I do want to be friends with him and I truly don’t want to harass him with my feelings.
Queenie, can you give some help in doing so?—Mixed up feelings
Dear Mixed up feelings,
For the time being, try to confine your friendship with this guy to group activities where your romantic feelings will be easier to keep under control.
Try also to broaden your interests to fields that do not include him, where you might have a chance to meet other guys in whom you might become (hopefully, mutually) interested.
Finally, try to give yourself more time away from him. Again, you will have a better chance to meet someone else you like if you are not concentrating your attention on this guy who isn’t interested in you.
Dear Queenie,
I am in love with the minister of my church and I’m sure he feels the same way, even though he has never indicated such to me.
Queenie, how can I get him to admit how he feels?—Romantic parishioner
Dear Romantic parishioner,
It is not uncommon for women to be romantically attracted to their pastors. However, it would be completely unethical for a pastor to become romantically involved with a member of his congregation. And, of course, if either one of you is married, “Thou shalt not commit adultery!”
If he were to have a romantic relationship with you while you were a member of his congregation, I would have serious doubts about his integrity and would advise you not to trust him.
If you are really serious about him, join another church. Then explain to him why you have left his congregation and invite him to dinner. But don’t be too disappointed if it turns out that he is not interested. Pastors are accustomed to dealing with women with crushes.
Dear Queenie,
Whenever I invite them to dinner, my in-laws bring along several dishes of food. They don’t bother to ask what I may need, which would be nothing. I’m not the kind of hostess who depends on her guests to provide their own food and I’m a good cook.
They also don’t ask what kind of food I’m going to serve, but just bring whatever they feel like, and often it doesn’t go with the food I have prepared. Like, they bring chili when I’m serving Chinese food, or barbecued ribs when I’m serving roast turkey.
They get vexed if I don’t put their food on the table with what I have cooked, and they expect me to wash the dishes they bring it in and have them ready for them to take home when they leave.
I like to visit with my guests while they are there and clean up after they leave. And I take it as an insult when they bring food, as though they don’t think I will have enough for them to eat, or as if I can’t cook well enough to suit them.
Queenie, how should I handle this?—Harassed hostess
Dear Harassed hostess,
According to the etiquette books, food or wine brought by guests is considered a gift to the hostess and does not have to be served to the guests. According to me, demanding that it be put it on the table for the donor(s) to eat is like giving someone a box of candy for a birthday gift and then sitting down and eating it all up – rude, rude, rude!
The next time your in-laws bring food to your dinner party, thank them nicely for it and tell them how much you and your husband will enjoy it the next day, especially because they have saved you from having to cook the day after you worked so hard to prepare the food for the party.
Then put the food they brought into your own containers and store it away, put their dishes to soak in a pan of hot soapy water, and sit down to enjoy your dinner. When they are ready to leave, hand them their clean dishes and thank them again for the nice gift.
If they get vexed when you don’t serve their food, ask them, “Why? Is there something wrong with what I have served you?”
Dear Queenie,
I work as a waitress in a nice restaurant and I’m really getting fed up with some of the customers. A lot of the men like to flirt and that’s no problem, but some of them get really obscene with some of the suggestions they make and I’m getting awfully tired of having to be polite to them.
One old man (I mean, like in his 60s) keeps coming on to this young girl who works here and he won’t take no for an answer. He even waited for her after work one night, even though she kept saying no to him. He pretended like he thought she was only saying no because the boss was looking at her inside the place.
Queenie, what’s wrong with these old guys? What makes them think a young girl would be interested in them anyway?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
No man likes to admit he is getting old, but it takes a real dreamer, or a pervert, to believe that a teenager would go for a man three times her age.
Next time he hits on her, she should tell him he reminds her of her grandfather, except her grandfather is more polite and considerate. She should also ask the boss to escort her to her transportation home, or ask a male family member or her boyfriend to pick her up after work to take her home.
A thought: Does your boss make you wear skimpy uniforms? If so, they may be part of the source of your problem. Discuss the problem with him. I know waitresses get more tips if they dress provocatively, but there should be a limit.
