Dear Queenie,
If you have a gift certificate for a meal for two at a restaurant that someone gave you or you won in a raffle, would it look cheap to use it on a date?—Bargain hunter
Dear Bargain hunter,
It might.
It would be better to save the gift certificate to use after you have taken the girl out several times and you have gotten to know each other fairly well. Then you can whip it out to use on some special occasion, like her birthday (or yours) and instead of thinking you are cheap she probably (hopefully) will think you are just financially responsible.
Dear Queenie,
I read your column on a regular basis and often you recommend couples to seek out marriage counseling. I have looked on-line and in the phone book, but can't seem to find anyone in this field. I was wondering if you have any contact information, as I am seeking this service.—Queenie fan
Dear Fan,
I frequently refer abuse victims to Safe Haven for help and Safe Haven may be able to help you too. Their contact information is:
24-hour hotline number: 9333 or (721) 523-6400.
E-mail address: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Facebook: SafeHavenSt.Maarten
The Women’s Desk at Hope Estate Road #4, Upper Prince’s Quarter, also may be able to help you. Their contact information is:
Tel. 542-7940, 520-1145 or 520-1146
Fax 542-7941
Finally, if you belong to a church your pastor may be able to help you, especially if he (or she) has had special training in this area.
Dear Queenie,
My 10-year-old granddaughter has never spent a night away from home – no sleepovers with friends or even at my house or her other grandparents. I would like to have her visit for more than an hour or two, but her mother won’t allow it.
Queenie, is this normal?—Worried grandma
Dear Grandma,
It is unusual, but I would not go so far as to say it is abnormal. It could be that your granddaughter is rather timid about being separated from her parents, or that they are overprotective.
However, there may be some special reason for this. For example, she may have been bullied or even molested on such an occasion, and if this is the case, you should know about it. If you have not already discussed your concerns with her parents, you should do so.
Dear Queenie,
My older daughter says she thinks I love her younger sister more than her. It’s true that I expect more of the older girl just because she is older and I want her to let her younger sister tag along with her because I want the girls to be close and to be good friends, and I want them to learn to think of others besides themselves.
My husband, who has younger brothers, says an older child gets sick of always having the younger ones tagging along and I shouldn’t demand that of our older daughter.
Queenie, what do you think?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
I think you are both right. Your daughters need to learn to think of others as well as themselves, but you should not demand that they always do everything together. Your younger daughter also needs to learn to consider her sister’s feelings.
Dear Queenie,
My mother takes care of my children while I am at work, but she spoils them something awful. She keeps a load of sweets in her house for them and when she takes care of them at my house she lets them skip eating vegetables and things they don’t like and then lets them fill up on dessert, even though my rule is no dessert until they have eaten what is served to them for the main meal.
Queenie, I feel disrespected in my own home. Am I wrong?—Angry daughter
Dear Daughter,
No, you are quite right. At the very least your mother should abide by your rules when she is in your house. And she does your children no favour by letting them learn poor eating habits.
Talk to your mother about this and tell her if she cannot do better, at least in your house, you will have to find someone else to care for your children, which means she will see a lot less of them.
