Dear Queenie,
When you’re talking on the phone and another call comes in (I have “call waiting”) should you answer the second call and tell them you will call back or just ignore it? And if you answer the second call should you put the first caller on hold or tell them you will call back?—Telephone Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It depends on how important the second call is.
Generally speaking, the person to whom you already are talking takes precedence, so if you take a moment to answer the second call to tell them you will call back you should not keep the first caller waiting for more than minute or two.
And if you absolutely must take the second call immediately, you should apologise to the first caller and then be sure to call them back as soon as possible.
Dear Queenie,
My husband tends to thrash around in his sleep. He waves is arms and kicks his feet and sometimes he hits me and kicks me without even waking up and our sheets are all torn up from his toenails.
He doesn’t know he is doing all this. Even when I showed him the sheets, he wouldn’t believe it was from what he did.
Queenie, I can’t think what is wrong with him. What should I do?—Bruised wife
Dear Bruised wife,
Your husband may have some kind of sleep disorder. Encourage him to go to his doctor for a complete physical exam and to be sure to discuss his sleep problems with the doctor. You might go with him or have a private chat with the doctor before the appointment, in case your husband is less than forthcoming about the problem.
And you might want to consider separate beds and less-delicate bedding for your husband.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been married for more than 10 years. At first everything was great, but then the kids came along and my husband changed. One minute he will be shouting at me and telling me he hates me and the next he is all lovey-dovey and wants sex. He thinks he is always right, even when I know he isn’t, but he just says I am too stupid to know better.
I tried to get him to go for counselling with me, but he refused. He said he didn’t need it because the problem was all my fault.
Queenie, what more can I do?—He’s driving me crazy
Dear Crazy,
If your husband refuses to get professional counselling, there is no reason you cannot get counselling for yourself, and you need it to help you cope with this abusive man.
Ask Safe Haven (office 9277, 24-hour hotline number 9333 or 721- 523-6400, e-mail This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and Facebook: SafeHavenSt.Maarten) for help.
Dear Queenie,
After I dated my husband for several years and then married him a couple of years ago, I learned that everything he told me about himself was a lie, from his finances, his former marriage, his job, you name it.
I’m trapped in a marriage with a man I just don’t know and his family is no help. They believe everything he tells them, even about me even though they know me.
Queenie, should I stay with him or get a divorce?—Liar’s wife
Dear Liar’s wife,
Professional counselling for the two of you, separately and together, might help you save your marriage, but if your husband will not go with you, go by yourself.
And, especially if he will not go for counselling, consult a divorce lawyer to learn what your options are. And if your husband knows you are doing so, it might just motivate him to go for counselling!
For what it is worth, I do not understand how, on this small island, you did not detect his lies long before you married him. Well, they do say love is blind – and deaf too, it would seem.
Dear Queenie,
What do you do when a friend tells you something that they ask you to keep to yourself and then you find out you are not the only one they have told.
Queenie, if it’s supposed to be a secret, shouldn’t they not tell anyone in the first place?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
If it really is a secret, of course they should not be blabbing it around like that. But do not make things worse by following their example. Keep your mouth shut, even if they cannot.
