Dear Queenie,
Living here in St. Maarten I have lots of relatives and friends who want to come visit me on their vacations and mostly they are welcome.
However, one of them stays for a couple of weeks but never offers to help around the house or take me out to dinner or chip in for groceries even though they have all sorts of requests for special food they like or need.
Queenie, are they being unreasonable or am I?—Harried hostess
Dear Hostess,
Benjamin Franklin once said, “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”
Depending on how much you care for this moocher you might want to give him (or her) a little more than three days, but I would suggest a week at the most. After that they can either chip in or move to a hotel.
Make your limits clear to them when they first inform you they are coming to visit (I assume they give you advance notice!) and when their time is up insist that they pony up or move out. Pack their bags and put them out of the house, if necessary.
As far as their special requests are concerned, tell them go to the grocery and purchase whatever they want – and even insist that they prepare it themself so it will be exactly how they want it.
Dear Queenie,
As a young teenager I was abused sexually by my stepdad for a couple of years until I got the courage to report him. He was never charged because of lack of evidence and family did not want to come forward because they did not believe me.
So now, years later, as an adult I’ve decided to try to put it behind me so that I can still have a relationship with my family, but lately it’s been too much seeing everyone act like nothing happened and him still being around.
I am planning to move away to get away from that environment but I’m wondering if it still won’t affect me. Or should I confront my family and how would I go about that?
Queenie, please give me your honest opinion. Dealing with this in the past had made me turn to drugs and alcohol. I just need a fresh start.—Victim of abuse
Dear Victim,
You need more professional help than I am qualified to give. However, help is available to you from Safe Haven, even at this late date, and I hope you will take advantage of it. Safe Haven’s contact information is:
24-hour hotline number 9333 or (721) 523-6400.
E-mail address: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Facebook: SafeHavenSt.Maarten
I’m sure you also will be able to find help in your new surroundings. Safe Haven may be able to give you a referral, or once you get there you can search for it online.
Also, if there are other children in your family who might be in danger from your abuser, it would be a good idea to take steps to protect them. Again, Safe Haven can advise you how best to go about doing so.
Dear Queenie,
I would like to know where in St. Maarten my husband and I could get marriage counselling, please. Thanks in advance.—AnotherQueenie fan
Dear Fan,
A little over a month ago I answered that same question for a regular reader of my column, but apparently you missed that column. Anyway, the information bears repeating, so here it is again:
I frequently refer abuse victims to Safe Haven for help and Safe Haven may be able to help you too. Their contact information is:
24-hour hotline number: 9333 or (721) 523-6400.
E-mail address: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
Facebook: SafeHavenSt.Maarten
The Women’s Desk at Hope Estate Road #4, Upper Prince’s Quarter, also may be able to help you. Their contact information is:
Tel. 542-7940, 520-1145 or 520-1146
Fax 542-7941
Finally, if you belong to a church your pastor may be able to help you, especially if he (or she) has had special training in this area.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I are getting divorced, but it’s complicated because of custody of the children and financial issues like dividing up our property and child support, etc. We’re getting through that alright, that’s not my problem.
Queenie, what I need to know is when it’s okay for me to start dating again and what to do when a man flirts with me at a bar or a social event. Should I tell him right up front or wait until we’ve been dating for la while?—Not divorced yet
Dear Not yet,
As long as you are still married and child custody is an issue it is not a good idea for you to be hanging out at bars. Social events are another matter.
It would be a good idea to let a potential date know your marital status up front, especially if your about-to-be ex-husband is likely to be vindictive about it.
As for when it is okay to start dating again, ask your lawyer and follow his (or her) advice.
Dear Queenie,
Our daughter and her children have moved in with a man who also has children of his own. If they were married we would treat his kids like our own grandchildren, but we hardly know this man and his kids and we have no idea how long this relationship will last.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—(Grand)Parents trying to be fair
Dear (Grand)Parents,
By all means treat this man’s children the same way you treat your own grandchildren as long as their parents are together – and, for all the children’s sake, pray that their parents’ relationship becomes permanent, or at least lasts until they have all grown up.
