Dear Queenie,
When I was a child my uncle molested me. I told my parents about it and they kept me away from him, but they didn’t do anything else about it.
Now I am grown up and have children of my own and I won’t let them be anywhere around him. My parents think I am overreacting because my children are still younger than I was when he molested me and besides it was so long ago and he is so much older now.
Queenie, are they right or am I right to be careful around him?—Worried mother
Dear Worried,
They are wrong. You are right. Molesters do not “outgrow” their abusive tendencies.
You do not have to make a big fuss about it, but do not ever let your children be alone with him. And do not leave your children with your parents either if you are not certain they will be careful and will protect them from him.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now, and within those few months I've done something terribly bad. Of course I told him the truth and he got upset. He forgave me after some time and told me to forget about it. But it’s been two months since the mistake I’ve done, and he hasn’t spoken a word to me in about three weeks.
Queenie, should I be worried?—Island Kid
Dear Island Kid,
Yes, you should be plenty worried. Apparently your boyfriend is not able to be as forgiving as you wish.
And I hope you have learned a lesson regarding whatever the “mistake” was that you made.
Dear Queenie,
Our granddaughter has lived with us since she was a baby because both her parents had died in an accident. She has always called us Grandpa and Grandma, but now she is in school she wants to call us Mama and Papa like other kids call their parents.
Queenie, should we just accept this? But won’t it confuse her?—Worried Grandma
Dear Grandma,
I think your granddaughter understands that you are her grandparents and if she ever seems confused about the relationship she is old enough by now to understand your explanation of the details. Let her call you whatever she prefers – as long as it is respectful!
Dear Queenie,
I work full time and my wife stays home. We don’t have any children. She takes care of the house and cooks and does a lot of volunteer work in her free time.
The problem is that the only free time I have to run errands or do other things is the weekends and I’d like to have my wife go with me, but she would rather do her own things.
Queenie, how can I get her to spend more time with me?—Neglected husband
Dear Neglected,
Your wife can run her errands during the week and does not find such activities entertaining on her “days off.” Can you compromise by running your errands on Saturdays and finding activities to share with her on Sundays?
Dear Queenie,
My mother is a terrible liar. You just can’t believe anything she says about what she has been doing, or about anyone else for that matter. I make it a habit to check up on whatever she says so I will know the truth, but it is a pain in the neck (and in another part, if you know what I mean) to have to do so.
Many times I have told her I checked out what she said and confronted her with the truth, but she continues the same old tricks.
Queenie, why does she do this?—Disgusted daughter
Dear Disgusted,
Probably she lies to gain attention and/or sympathy, and to manipulate others. By checking out whatever she says you are handling the situation as best you can.
All else you can do is limit your contact with her, and if she complains about it tell her exactly why you are doing so – not that it is likely to get her to change her ways, but at least you will not have to put up with her lying.
