Dear Queenie,
This guy I’ve been seeing only calls me late at night when I’m about to go to bed or already asleep. I keep telling him I’d rather he call me during the day, even when I’m at work but he still calls me late at night.
Queenie, how can I get him to call me at a reasonable hour?—Sleepyhead
Dear Sleepyhead,
There is a simple solution to your problem: Do not answer your phone after a certain hour and let the call go to voicemail or, if necessary, just turn off the phone entirely. Then you can call him back at a time that is convenient for you – or not at all if you do not want to.
If he cannot show some consideration for your preferences, he is not worth wasting your time on.
Dear Queenie,
You have written some columns about people who are miffed because the people they are with are so busy on their cell phones they ignore the people they are with.
Now how about the people on the other end of those cell phone calls?
Queenie, what do you think it is like to be talking to someone on the phone and they keep talking to the people around them like the cashier at the bank or the supermarket checkout clerk?—Cellphone Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
On the phone or in person, it is just plain rude to try to carry on two separate conversations at once.
My advice is for the person on the receiving end of such rudeness: If you are on the other end of the phone call, hang up – with or without saying goodbye. If you are there in person, turn around and walk away – with or without excusing yourself.
And if you happen to be in a restaurant, for example, and your walking away leaves your rude companion stuck with the bill – it serves them right!
Dear Queenie,
My wife is very ill and our friends call her often to ask how she is doing and what they can do to help. The thing is, this is all very hard for me too and no one ever bothers to ask how I am doing.
Queenie, don’t they care about me too?—Stressed out husband
Dear Stressed out,
People tend to focus on the obvious in such cases. If you seem to be holding up alright it just does not occur to them that you too need their support.
If your wife is up to it, when they ask her what they can do to help, she could refer them to you, or at least include in her reply that you too could use their help and suggest that they ask you.
Dear Queenie,
Once you have moved out of your parents’ home and have a place of your own, are you expected to knock on the door when you visit them or is it okay to just walk right in like you have always done?—Visiting Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Of course, this depends on the custom within your particular family, but the courteous thing to do always is to knock before entering – and wait for someone to say “come in.” Aside from being the polite thing to do, this has the advantage of sparing all parties any unpleasant (embarrassing) surprises.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine just told me she is pregnant. I didn’t even know she was seeing anyone.
Queenie, how can I find out who the father is without being rude?—Terribly curious
Dear Curious,
You can just wait for her to tell you.
Or, the next time she says anything about her pregnancy you can ask.
Or, you can wait until the baby is born and see whether the father shows up – and if he does not, then ask about him.
