Dear Queenie,
Our son is away at college and he doesn’t keep in touch with us. He even moved out of his dormitory and in with a friend and the only way we found out was when the birthday check we sent him came back marked ”Not at this address.”
I called his cell phone and asked him for his new address and he only gave it to me when I explained we had a check to send him, which he never let us know he had received it or thanked us for it, although I guess he got it because it didn’t come back to us.
Queenie, don’t we have a right to know where he is living or is he only interested in us when he wants money?—Angry parent
Dear Angry parent,
Your son is asserting his independence (although apparently not financial independence), but he is behaving immaturely. At least he is still attending college (and hopefully getting fairly good grades) and apparently staying out of (serious) trouble.
Try to be patient with him. Hopefully he will grow up sooner than later
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who lives near me and works at the same place I do, so he drives me to work every day and often home afterward.
Queenie, he’s not going out of his way, but should I still offer to pay him for the ride?—Passenger
Dear Passenger,
By all means offer to give him some money for gas, especially if he stops for gas on the way to or from work. But even if he does not, you still should make the offer. After all, your extra weight in his car is causing it to use more gas than it otherwise would, so it is only fair that you chip in.
Dear Queenie,
I have a relative who is in prison. Very often someone I correspond with will ask me how he is doing.
Queenie, if they don’t already know he is doing time, what should I tell them?—At a loss for words
Dear At a loss,
This is a small island and probably everyone here who knows your relative knows he is in prison. If your correspondent also knows your imprisoned relative and/or these other people he or she may already know about your relative’s status, so it would not be wise to try to conceal the truth. Even if your correspondent does not know anyone else here, I would not recommend telling a lie.
However, either way there is no reason for you to go into any detail about the situation. I think an evasive answer would be your best bet, such as, “As far as I know he is okay” or “I haven’t seen or heard from him recently, so I really don’t know.”
Dear Queenie,
I was going with this boy since last year and I love him so much, but he broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. I still see him at school and we’re still friends and I just can’t stop thinking about him.
I know if I tried I could get him to have sex with me even if we’re not a couple anymore and I keep thinking what it would be like to have his baby.
Queenie, how do I get over him?—Lovesick teenager
Dear Teenager,
Talk to you mother or some other adult you trust about your feelings. Venting them will help you get over your loss. Avoid your EX-boyfriend as much as you can and find activities that will keep you busy and away from him as much as possible.
Whatever you do, DO NOT have sex with him or try to get pregnant. Doing so would be more likely to drive him away than bring him closer and it would forever change your life negatively. You are not in a position right now to provide for a baby and you might not even be able to finish your education, which you would regret for the rest of your life.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter used to be a good student but since we gave her a cell phone for her birthday her grades have been dropping. Her teacher says she doesn’t pay attention in class and half the time she doesn’t turn in her homework and when she does it's not as good as it used to be.
Queenie, should we take her cell phone away?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Not quite yet.
First, tell your daughter that having a cell phone is a privilege that depends on paying attention in school and keeping up her grades. Then see if matters improve. If they do not, then, yes, take the phone away until they do.
