Dear Queenie,
When I go somewhere with a certain friend she keeps texting with her boyfriend all the time we’re together. When I complain about being ignored she tells me I don’t understand what it’s like to be in a relationship.
Queenie, I’m not jealous, I just think she’s being rude. Am I wrong to feel this way?—Texting Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You are not wrong. Good manners require giving your first attention to the person you are with.
Of course, it is possible your friend is afraid to let her boyfriend go more than a few minutes without some sort of communication with him, lest he find some other object of his attention. Why not ask her if that is the case, and see what her reaction is?
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and have a 2-year-old daughter. This is my husband’s second marriage and he has a son from that marriage who lives with the ex-wife.
My problem is that my mother-in-law keeps calling me by the first wife’s name. She helps us out by watching our daughter so it happens quite often. My husband thinks it’s not important and says I should just ignore it, but I can’t.
Queenie, is he right? If not, how should I handle it when it happens?—Second wife
Dear Second wife,
I disagree with your husband. I presume your mother-in-law also has contact with his ex-wife and her grandson, but she should be able to keep the two of you straight in her mind. If she does not take the trouble to do so, she is being downright rude to you. Make a point of correcting her – politely! – when she calls you by the wrong name.
And if it continues to happen, you might want to find out whether she also sometimes calls the ex by your name. If she truly cannot remember which of you is which, she may be having memory problems, a possible indication of approaching senility, in which case you should be careful about leaving a small child in her care and perhaps a complete check-up for your mother-in-law would be a good idea.
Dear Queenie,
Sometimes I will text a question to someone or leave a message on their voice mail and it will be hours or even a day or so before they get back to me.
Queenie, why are people so thoughtless?—Offended
Dear Offended,
If the person you call or text is at work or busy doing something they consider important or simply does not receive your message right away, it may be some time before they get back to you.
Why are you so thoughtless as to expect them to drop everything to reply to you immediately?
Dear Queenie,
I am married, but I decided to keep my maiden name for professional reasons. My husband has no problem with this, but our question is how should he (and other people) introduce me?
Queenie, should it be Miss or Mrs. Maiden-Name? Or what?—Introduction Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Your husband can say, “This is my wife First-Name Maiden-Name.”
Other people can say, “This Husband’s-Name’s wife First-Name Maiden-Name.”
Leave the “Miss” or “Mrs.” up to the person to whom you are introduced.
Dear Queenie,
When my son’s best friend is at our house for a meal he very often refuses to eat what we are serving. Our children know they are expected to eat whatever they are served, or at least some of it, and they don’t make a fuss about it, but this friend is something else.
Queenie, what is the best way to deal with this picky eater?—Not a caterer
Dear Not,
It depends. If the child has food allergies, you want to be careful what you serve him, so check with his parents to find out whether there are foods he cannot eat and try to accommodate his needs.
But if the child is merely a picky eater, as you say, tell him – pleasantly! – that in your house everyone is expected to take at least a taste of whatever they are served and if they do not like it they do not have to eat all of it. Then serve him whatever everyone else is having, and if he does not eat it, so be it.
I am reasonably certain he will eat if he is hungry, once he understands your house rules. Or he will stop taking meals at your house – your problem solved, if not his.
